Reframing Your Thoughts for a Positive Life

[00:00:00] Kristen Butler: When I was at rock bottom, I was like in bed for two weeks straight. Like I was scared of everything and I had so much fear. But when I began to create that safety heat where I was and in my body and in my home, and then I started expanding from that place, I started to realize like, Hey, I can make any place safe.

[00:00:18] Kristen Butler: If I feel safe here.

[00:00:23] Nikki La Croce: Hey gang, I'm Nikki La Croce and today I'm sharing the mic with Kristen Butler. Kristen is the founder and CEO of Power of Positivity, a community with more than 50 million followers committed to living their best life. Kristen is also the author of the best selling book, The Comfort Zone, as well as the 3 Minute Positivity Journal, and most recently, the 3 Minute Happiness Journal, which was featured in the Grammy gift bag, which is Totally amazing.

[00:00:45] Nikki La Croce: And while I could go on for quite a while about Kristen's tremendous accomplishments, I'm excited for Kristen to share more of her story and what ultimately led her to create The Power of Positivity Community and these life changing books. So welcome to the show, Kristen.

[00:00:59] Kristen Butler: Thank you so much, Nikki. I'm excited for our conversation.

[00:01:02] Nikki La Croce: Yep. I, you know, I appreciate it so much that you sent a copy of your book to me. I was really interested to kind of see what the format of the book is because I've read a lot of, uh, I've been very lucky to have many guests who have created memoirs or, um, knowledge sharing books. And a lot of them actually happen to be sort of hybrids of those, which yours is as well.

[00:01:27] Nikki La Croce: And I feel like that's so connective for people because it gives you the personal background, which sort of creates the, The narrative to give people the understanding of, you know, why you're sharing what you're sharing and how you've learned what you've learned, but then you're also really intentional about asking people to, you know, bring out a journal while they're reading the chapters, go through some of the exercises you have in the book and be engaged in the experience of consuming your book rather than sort of just trying to reading it.

[00:01:58] Nikki La Croce: flip through it. And especially in the beginning when you're like, don't skip ahead, you might be tempted to, right? Like, we'll, we'll get to all of the things. And so I really appreciated that you had this desire to not only put your story out there and share the information that you have that's so valuable, but to guide people in the journey of reading the book to make sure that they can get the most out of that.

[00:02:21] Nikki La Croce: Is that something that, sort of came together as you were establishing what you were going to write? Or did you always see it as something that you wanted to offer and with some sort of practical application?

[00:02:34] Kristen Butler: I'm so action oriented because that's how I changed my life and we can read a book, but we're not going to see the transformation unless we're reading it repetitiously or we're taking action.

[00:02:48] Kristen Butler: And someone can tell you their journey, but you're not going to change unless you know your own journey and you go within and you get to know yourself really well. So I love journaling for that fact. And I've been journaling Nikki La Croce, Who

[00:03:10] Nikki La Croce: The Fuck?. Uh, I guess you could call it journaling, but it's more like my Apple Notes, uh, thoughts as they come to me or emotions as they come up.

[00:03:23] Nikki La Croce: Um, and it's really interesting to look back at the moments in my life, especially in the last few years, because I'd left this really bad relationship and in part of my journey of healing, I've gone back and kind of looked at things that I've written and, and being able to, you know, observe where I was in those moments and not only see how far I've come but also understand myself better and look at who I was and how that actually impacted the way I showed up then versus now.

[00:03:52] Nikki La Croce: And I feel like your story is really one of resilience and Um, I want to say grit, but I actually don't really like that word because I think it has more of like a grind, um, connotation to it. But maybe that's a good place to go with the conversation because part of a big message in the book from start to, I'm almost at the finish line.

[00:04:14] Nikki La Croce: So start to most of the way through thus far, and I assume through the end is that, you know, it's not really about the hustle culture. It's about. finding the things that feel right to you and being able to commit to those things in a meaningful way. So like how, for you, what was it like to be able to, understand yourself enough to be able to get to this place where you could write this book?

[00:04:40] Kristen Butler: You know, a decade and a half ago when I was at rock bottom, literally every area, every single area of my life was falling apart. And in that place, I really had two decisions. Like, have I failed enough? Is this it? Like I felt like it was, or can I try something new? And can I get out of this? And it's a lot of interesting.

[00:05:05] Kristen Butler: but I think we need that to truly live a life that's important to us and has meaning. We have to ask ourselves these very important questions of like, why we're here? What are we good at? What do we want to do? What would be fun to do? You know, society doesn't really wire us to think about these things.

[00:05:25] Kristen Butler: It's like, here's what you do. And then after that you do this. And then And after that, you do that. And I'm someone who really is a recovering people pleaser. So I was like, okay, yep. I'm just going to go down the line, you know, and we have to think outside the box and we have to make choices that align with who we are.

[00:05:42] Kristen Butler: And we can only do that by asking ourselves questions and reflecting and journaling, journaling, or whatever that looks like for you.

[00:05:50] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, well, I think you make a really good point to introspection is at the core of this show. Um, and very much at the core of any transformation that's going to happen for us, right?

[00:06:01] Nikki La Croce: Uh, and you make the point about asking those questions. It's one of the things that I think is so difficult for people is, you know, really being willing to get honest with yourself about the answers to those questions, um, particularly if you kind of instinctively already know the answer, because you feel uncomfortable when you know the answer to a question that you don't want the answer to be what it is, right?

[00:06:25] Nikki La Croce: So, um, one of the things that you had, I think one of the big themes in the book, right, is just a lot of us use discomfort as a motivator, and that's, I think there's a method to that madness, but it also, um, isn't sustainable. As you've pointed out, you know, it, it creates burnout. It, um, kind of limits our ability to have that introspection.

[00:06:48] Nikki La Croce: And something that you wrote in the book that I really loved was, um, pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is a form of self rejection. This is why when you insist on living outside of your comfort zone, you feel like you're losing yourself. Can you share a little bit more about like, that philosophy for you and how that's, um, I guess both played out in your life and also inspired you to make the change in your own life?

[00:07:14] Kristen Butler: Yeah. You know, I've always kind of been a go getter and early on I was more of a hustle and grind and I never really allowed myself to be comfortable. I shamed myself for comfort. And so, Yeah, I'm trying to think about how you, I had a really good point on that. And I was thinking, what was right before you asked that last question, you said a really good statement and it like sparked a light bulb.

[00:07:44] Kristen Butler: And then now I'm like, what was that? It was really good. I was like, Ooh, yeah, that's it right there. I should have a running

[00:07:50] Nikki La Croce: transcript next to me. So I can, yeah, that was so good. Some of the words you

[00:07:54] Kristen Butler: were saying before the question. And I was like, yeah, that's totally it. Um,

[00:08:01] Nikki La Croce: I'm sorry, I'm not going to be helpful in getting the quote.

[00:08:03] Kristen Butler: And so when we're shaming ourselves, that it's a form of self

[00:08:09] Nikki La Croce: rejection.

[00:08:10] Kristen Butler: Yeah, it really is. Because what we're most comfortable with is our skill sets. And that's how we can really understand our own intuition. But if we're rejecting that, then where's I, where's that guiding voice? Like, how do we even understand what decisions to make or what the right decision is for us?

[00:08:29] Kristen Butler: And so. When I was at that place, it was just a lot of, you know, small decisions that would add up and lead me in a direction that was the right path. I didn't know it at the time, but when I look back, I'm like, I was listening to that my own internal voice instead of what everyone else was saying. And I was following what was most comfortable.

[00:08:55] Kristen Butler: I was expanding my comfort zone. And before that, I was always shaming myself. In that, I literally was, you know, unhealthy, double the size that I am now, even more. My hormones were out of balance. Everything was a complete wreck. When I was at rock bottom, I just wasn't happy with my life. It was like, what was I trying to achieve?

[00:09:28] Kristen Butler: It didn't feel meaningful. It didn't feel purposeful. I wasn't making an impact necessarily. And I was carrying so much trauma that I thought I was just supposed to kind of stuff it down and ignore it. But really I was supposed to. deal with it and move through it. And so a lot of it is making, yes, making those uncomfortable things comfortable, but it's a lot more comfortable to deal with something than to stuff it down.

[00:09:58] Kristen Butler: And even if you're, you're sad or grieving or whatever that is, embracing that in that moment and just allowing it to pass through is much better than stuffing it down, living with it, carrying this huge burden, and then When it all hits you, it's like, what do I do with this? Right?

[00:10:19] Nikki La Croce: Totally. Well, and I love that you went there too.

[00:10:21] Nikki La Croce: This is actually really interestingly relevant to the therapy session I had this morning, um, particularly around, um, like dealing with my own trauma. And there were like a lot of rapid fire things that happened in my relationship with my ex, um, that was then kind of capped with losing my mom in the same timeline really suddenly.

[00:10:40] Nikki La Croce: And so, There was no space in those moments to feel what I needed to feel. Like there was very much a survival mode situation happening, right? Like when there's a lot going on there, you know, it doesn't matter. I think how well adjusted you are, there's going to be a very innate human trauma response. And so I was dealing with it in terms of, okay, I would talk about it in therapy or share certain things with friends and family, but it was really objective.

[00:11:07] Nikki La Croce: And so there was still this part up until honestly, really, really recently, like in the last month or so where I realized, Oh, yes, I've talked about it. Yes, I've worked through it in certain ways. But what I haven't done is allow myself to feel some of the things that I've been resisting feeling. And, um, I was reading, um, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, and one of the chapters speaks about how anxiety is the resistance that we feel.

[00:11:37] Nikki La Croce: Like anxiety, to acknowledge the truth, is like that feeling of resistance. And it was really interesting to get to a place where I was like, I just can't fight it off anymore. And I don't even know that it was an obvious I'm fighting it off, as much as it is that you feel it. And to your point, once you, once you know that, once you know what to look for in your own body, once you understand sort of your own responses, then it gives you more freedom to explore that, um, with a sense of safety and trust within yourself.

[00:12:06] Nikki La Croce: And I feel like that's something you really emphasize in the book, um, and the content that you create, which is, it's really important to feel, um, you know, safe and connected to be at peace. And that's something that just resonates so much with me. You had mentioned having, you know, some of your responses and the way that you were moving through life being the result of trauma that you've experienced.

[00:12:31] Nikki La Croce: Do you feel like, um, you lacked trust in yourself to make the right decisions for you or, or even to decide that you wanted to make the choices for yourself that led you to be a bit more of a people pleaser?

[00:12:49] Kristen Butler: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I was operating from a survival mode. It was like, well, I don't want to, you know, have to suffer like my parents did and, you know, be poor and, and just all of that, all of the, the lifestyle habits that come with that.

[00:13:08] Kristen Butler: And I thought, well, I need to get out of that. And I can feel this burning desire inside that I, am here for something bigger. And I just didn't quite understand. And so I was always operating in this survival mode, not really creating that space to heal and feel safe and feel comfortable, which is so important.

[00:13:28] Kristen Butler: As a child, I almost never felt comfortable. And even when I went to school, I was teased and it was just, Always experiencing discomfort. And so I wasn't necessarily growing. I needed comfort to create that space to get to know who I am, why I'm here, what do I love to do? And then go from there, grow from there.

[00:13:52] Kristen Butler: We're always focused on growth, but we've got to heal before we grow.

[00:13:56] Nikki La Croce: Yes, that's an absolutely brilliant point. And something that you said, too, that really made me think about, um, the way that we use the words comfort and discomfort and safe and unsafe. And because we both had some sort of experiences, right, that kept us in survival mode, you're doing the best you can with what you have to maintain a sense of safety, whatever knowledge you have and resources.

[00:14:23] Nikki La Croce: But at the same time, That's not the same type of safety that you get when you're healed, or sorry, healing, I should say, because it's not like the sort of progression of healing, right? Yeah, that's such a good point. It's interesting to think about how, um, I feel really safe now, but it's a visceral safe that is like, I've done work to find, as you, I think, say in your book, like home within yourself.

[00:14:49] Nikki La Croce: And when you do that, it takes a lot of the power out of the external circumstances that typically dictate that feeling of discomfort and that feeling that we lack safety. It's like you said, you need to have that space. to be able to heal and to move forward. But like, do you feel like there was maybe a turning point where that happened for you?

[00:15:11] Kristen Butler: You know, as I began to prioritize feelings of comfort and expand from there, I was able to start going to the grocery store again. Cause when I was at rock bottom, I was like, in bed for two weeks straight. Like I was scared of everything and I had so much fear. But when I began to create that safety where I was and in my body and in my home, and then it started expanding from that place, I started to realize like, Hey, I can make any place safe if I feel safe here.

[00:15:40] Kristen Butler: And it's really working on healing your nervous system, reminding yourself that you are safe. Sometimes your mind tries to tell you aren't safe or tries to come up with a scenario like this or that is happening and we've got to get out. So it's, it, it's a, it's a journey that can take time and everyone's different, but it is trusting in the process, knowing that you're okay.

[00:16:03] Kristen Butler: Even if there is an emergency situation that you're, you're going to get through it. And I think. Mindset is really everything here because if we don't mentally feel safe, we're not going to physically feel safe no matter where we are, who we're around or what we're doing.

[00:16:21] Nikki La Croce: That's absolutely correct. I can say from my own experience where I was hypervigilant for a while, um, and just recognizing that.

[00:16:31] Nikki La Croce: You mentioned nervous system regulation. I feel like that's just so important. It's something that's really coming up so much more now. And I'm realizing, I just said this to my wife the other day. I feel like I assume that a lot of people know the things that I know. Um, because I have gotten into the algorithm of, you know, therapy and, and regulation and mindset, but not everybody's down that same rabbit hole.

[00:16:56] Nikki La Croce: And so something that I feel is really great about a conversation like this. You know, people might follow your content and see, you know, like, okay, positive quotes and things that you want to think about differently. And it's like there, you can expand on that into these other areas and really learn about, like, as you're saying, through your other content and through other creators, like, What is at the core of those feelings that you're having?

[00:17:21] Nikki La Croce: And how can you cultivate that sense of safety and self love? When you were speaking, I'm curious if you're open to sharing this. You mentioned, you know, there were points where like you didn't even like want to go out because you didn't feel safe. Um, was there a particular thing that was making you feel unsafe?

[00:17:39] Kristen Butler: When I was, you know, over 300 pounds, I didn't feel comfortable in my body. So I just didn't feel safe in my body. But mentally I just started to hate on myself. Like you don't want to go out to the store because what are people are going to think? What are they're going to look at you? You don't even feel like dealing with that right now.

[00:17:58] Kristen Butler: You feel like you have so much going on. You don't want someone to look at you or, or say something to you or, you know, in that place, it's almost like. You can't feel comfortable with the outside world because you don't feel comfortable within because life's a mirror. It's really a reflection and Even when someone might say something or do something to you and you feel triggered There's something inside that's triggering that you need to deal with on your own.

[00:18:25] Kristen Butler: It might not even be that person They might not even have said it in a way that would be triggering. And so I was just In a dark place, feeling very triggered, but I was caring too much and holding onto too much and I wasn't really honoring myself at all. And in that place, I didn't really feel safe anywhere.

[00:18:46] Kristen Butler: I didn't want to call family or friends. You know, it, for me, it was definitely a dark place, but it allowed me to begin that healing journey that I so needed. And I don't think that everybody needs to be at rock bottom to start that. You can hear from other people and learn from their stories. It's just about the choices that you're making every day and how that compounds.

[00:19:14] Kristen Butler: And I was just compounding too much negativity.

[00:19:17] Nikki La Croce: I feel like that's such an important point to make too. There's, we all have circumstances in our lives that can be challenging at any point. I feel like a lot of people are very easily sort of, it's, I think, I think theoretically for people, it's easier to stay in the discomfort of victim mentality.

[00:19:42] Nikki La Croce: Um, you know, that life is happening to you, that you don't have a choice in the way that you're going to move through life. And I witnessed that with my ex quite a bit. She would say things like, Oh, I have a target on my back. And it was so hard and really draining for me while I was trying to be a supportive person in that.

[00:19:58] Nikki La Croce: And, um, then to witness, you know, okay, I've gone through a lot of trauma. My, my now wife, um, you know, has experienced, she's been there for me really since losing my mom and has been instrumental. And one of the things that I really try to be conscious of is, you know, not staying in that state of victimhood and making sure that she has space for herself in the relationship too.

[00:20:21] Nikki La Croce: And that gets to one of the points that you make throughout the book, which is really about boundary setting. Um, because I think for us to feel safe. We need to be able to understand ourselves enough to know what's, you know, sort of the window of tolerance, if you will. Like, what, what's the thing that we can handle that we feel good about that we're in our, our best mode, where are we over, um, or where we dysregulated on the high end of things or on the low end of things and boundaries are something that I, as an elder millennial, like I don't think that we were really taught that well, like that wasn't something that was, maybe like little bits and pieces of things here and there, but the sense of, you know, this is just the way that it is or deal with it was also, I feel like a pretty common statement from, um, at least my, my parents, um, and, and sort of generally, uh, the baby boomer generation.

[00:21:13] Nikki La Croce: Do you feel like boundary setting was something that helped you cultivate that sense of safety within yourself and. What was the thing that sort of, like, tipped you into the space of realizing you needed to set those boundaries?

[00:21:29] Kristen Butler: Hmm. Yeah, we weren't really taught how to set boundaries, and some of us may not even have really known other people who set boundaries for themselves, because it's something that you have to either be taught or see someone else.

[00:21:44] Kristen Butler: And if you see other people in your environment never setting boundaries, letting other people always overstep their boundaries, more than likely you're probably going to do it too and not even realize it. So it was something I wasn't aware of. I thought I was respecting other people and I was being kind, but I wasn't being kind to myself.

[00:22:03] Kristen Butler: And yeah, I mean, my life had to get at such a place where it was like, yes, I have to say no to other people if it's saying yes to me. And as a mom of two, yes, sometimes I might. that I'm like, I'm not crazy about doing that, but that's my role as a mom. Right. And that's totally okay. But when it's a, you know, a hell no here, and you're saying yes, find out why you're doing that.

[00:22:32] Kristen Butler: Like, are you, are you trying to people please? Are you, is there an unhealthy relationship that's a tug and pull? Like what dynamic did you create? Because sometimes When we don't set that boundary in a relationship, we're telling that person how they can treat us. They don't know any different, but when we start setting those healthy boundaries, the people who love and respect us and care about us will respect those boundaries and understand that, Hey, that's your preference.

[00:23:00] Kristen Butler: I care about you. I'm okay with that. If they're not okay with it, then you really have to question like, What role am I in this relationship? How much do they care about me if they can't respect something that is very important to me? Boundaries are, are so important to our own internal self care and our own internal safety.

[00:23:22] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, I love that explanation, Kristen. And so I, I have like lots of notes that I took from your book that I thought were really wonderful. And one of the things that you said was that, um, when you don't know what you want, and need in order to feel safe. You can't communicate your desires to yourself or to others, and you won't be able to focus on creating experiences and relationships in your life that are in alignment with your own sense of safety, and I feel like you pinpoint right there so perfectly the fact that we, maybe it wasn't modeled to us, maybe we weren't taught it, but it's also there's the accountability now that you've taken, that I've taken, and many other people have to say, Well, then I have to, I have to own my own experience and understand myself well enough to establish what those boundaries need to be and respect myself enough to not only set the boundary, but to enforce that boundary.

[00:24:15] Nikki La Croce: One of the things that came up, um, I think probably a few months ago, it was like a, just a quick passing social clip of Jay Shetty making a comment that it's not just about setting the boundaries, but our responsibility to uphold them. Because oftentimes we think, Oh, that person crossed my boundary. And it's like, yes, and Did You Let Them?

[00:24:37] Nikki La Croce: Uh, I, and that simplifies it a bit, right? Like there's always dynamics at play that I think complicate it a little bit, but it really sparked this self awareness about when I'm setting a boundary, am I consciously making sure that like I'm respected in this scenario? Because when I look at my last relationship, I feel like I set boundaries all over the place and those boundaries got bulldozed.

[00:24:58] Nikki La Croce: And guess what? I said I'd leave and I didn't. Mmm. that I would do something else and then I didn't. And so if we're not respecting ourselves enough to uphold those boundaries, how can we possibly expect somebody else to?

[00:25:12] Kristen Butler: Mm. Yeah, that's so good. It's so important because what we're allowing is what's going to continue is what you were saying.

[00:25:20] Kristen Butler: And it's like, well, I was allowing that. And so it continued. So is the boundary even real in the reality? No, you might be saying it, but they might not be taking you seriously. And that is hard to make that decision depending on the relationship. Right? Ideally, we're hoping that. Both partners, depending on the relationship or friendship or, you know, parental relationship, whatever it is, we've got to set these healthy boundaries.

[00:25:46] Kristen Butler: And otherwise, you know, you have to create some level of distance or some kind of consequence because I don't, I didn't always like that word consequence, but life has consequences and we do have to utilize that for our own preservation.

[00:26:02] Nikki La Croce: Oh, yeah, I, that's a really good point. I like the use of the term preservation too.

[00:26:08] Nikki La Croce: And it does, it really makes me think about even just relationships with my, my family, my parents, and being able to recognize how sometimes the things that are getting acted out in the relationships that we have are a function of not only our, you know, um, lack of understanding of ourselves, but then also the lack of understanding that other people have about themselves.

[00:26:32] Nikki La Croce: And so sometimes setting the boundary helps make them more self aware if they're open to it, if they're willing to receive it. Right. And the amount of communication that my wife and I have about, you know, Our boundaries at this point in our life, like we've only honestly been together for like about three years.

[00:26:50] Nikki La Croce: So it hasn't even been that long what I've seen in the evolution of our relationship is this recognition of if I'm uncomfortable, I need to say it. And for me, that was, I think I was, she would say to me, like, you know, you're the reason that like I even put boundaries in place now the way that I do. And I'm like, Because as a function of what I've experienced, I literally know that I can't tolerate that, like I can't tolerate not having boundaries, or at the very least, communicating that I need a boundary.

[00:27:21] Nikki La Croce: Maybe it's not the exact boundary that I thought I needed, or maybe it can adapt over time, but it's like, you need to dialogue with people about it. We just expect people to know. what works, what doesn't work for us. And then we're all annoyed when they don't behave the way we want them to behave or treat us the way we want them to treat us.

[00:27:40] Nikki La Croce: And nobody said anything about how they want to be treated or what makes them feel safe or comfortable. And it's like the, the thing that I think just fits perfectly with your work and the idea of the comfort zone and, and kind of how the discomfort isn't really, where we want to be. I say a lot, like, I would rather be uncomfortable for like a brief moment compared to in like in perpetuity.

[00:28:04] Nikki La Croce: Right. Because it's the idea of, Oh, I have to mention it. I don't want to say it, or I don't want to make somebody uncomfortable. Or I want them to feel like they're getting what they need, but I'll compromise what I need. Or, but like, if you abandon yourself for long enough for somebody else and completely relieving any boundaries, then like, You're going to continue to be uncomfortable and that's no way to live either, which I feel like is really the emphasis of, of the book that you wrote.

[00:28:31] Nikki La Croce: It's like discomfort. Yes, there's elements of growth that can happen from discomfort, but staying in a place of discomfort is wildly unhealthy.

[00:28:40] Kristen Butler: Yeah, exactly. Like temporary discomfort or long term. And yeah, growth. And when you're in a relationship and setting boundaries, you're growing together as you're setting boundaries and you're going to have uncomfortable moments.

[00:28:53] Kristen Butler: You're going to have unfamiliar moments. There might be things that you've never talked about before or done before, but these are temporary things. Cause we live in a life where there's discomfort and we just got to make the most of it. Right. But then holding on to that and then burying it and then the consequences of long term discomfort because you never talked about it.

[00:29:15] Kristen Butler: That's like the two things that you have to really decide which one's more important and which one should you deal with now. And yeah, it's like temporary discomfort is much easier than the long term.

[00:29:28] Nikki La Croce: Right. Well, and something that you said. just there too about how it affects ultimately sort of the the relationships that we have is there's so many people who just have a lot of resentment towards people in their lives because they never communicated a boundary or tried to have the conversations that would help them have stronger bonds with people and I love that you use the word Unfamiliar situations as well.

[00:29:55] Nikki La Croce: Um, especially because my wife and I, we bonded really quickly and we learned a lot about each other really rapidly. But then all of a sudden you realize like we've only known each other for a couple of years really. So something happens and you're like, whoa, okay, I guess we're dealing with this now, right?

[00:30:10] Nikki La Croce: And so you're seeing these parts of yourself and each other for the first time and Something that I'm so grateful for is being with somebody who, like, we've established, okay, we have completely different styles of conflict resolution. So like, or not conflict resolution, conflict reaction. Um, and when that happens, like we might, go away and do the thing that we need to do for ourselves, but like come back and talk about it to try to figure out how do we get to a place that's more at the very least aligned and making sure that we understand each other.

[00:30:44] Nikki La Croce: And then are there boundaries that we need to set? Are there things that we need to discuss that will help us like create a, a better dynamic for our lives? Because over the holidays, I was, um, at home and dealing with a lot of family stress. My dad was in the hospital and. We ended up having kind of a bit of like a falling out about how I was being really negative about a lot of things over the course of the last few weeks, but I didn't really know that I was like projecting this out there.

[00:31:12] Nikki La Croce: And it came to a head at what I would say was the worst possible time for like just being, I was 3000 miles in a country away and it just wasn't convenient. And so it was this feeling of like, what do we do right now? This is uncomfortable. We're far away. We can't solve it immediately, but it was the, We made sure we stayed on and had a conversation to kind of talk through things as best we could.

[00:31:33] Nikki La Croce: And then it was like, and when I come home, like we'll figure out how to manage this better. Um, but it gave us both space to sit with it and be like, okay, I'm not mad at you for communicating that you had this boundary. In fact, I'm sorry that I didn't know. And also her acknowledgement of, I needed to tell you sooner.

[00:31:49] Nikki La Croce: And I just didn't want to put a burden on you. And I think we see boundaries as burdens to people sometime, but not setting a boundary is actually a burden to you. And possibly also them in the long run.

[00:32:01] Kristen Butler: Yeah, no, absolutely. Communication is just so key in everything. And sometimes it's hard to have those tough conversations, but so much growth comes out of it and eventually security and safety.

[00:32:17] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, well, that's a that's a really good point to Kristen. I mean, I feel like that type of security, the emotional safety is something that really can't be, um, like it's a non starter like you need it, you need the emotional safety. So something that I also really love about the work that you've done is speaking to the intentionality that's required to really make meaningful change in your life.

[00:32:43] Nikki La Croce: And you've, as I said at the beginning, cultivated a community of over 50 million followers, which is just absolutely incredible. And I'm sure extremely humbling to just know that like that many people are impacted by what you're doing, especially because it's a community of positivity and really honing in on those parts of ourselves that.

[00:33:01] Nikki La Croce: need more exposure and, and, um, kind of tender care from ourselves. What was it, um, that inspired you to start Power of Positivity in the first place? Um, was that begun from your own desire to put something out there that would have, um, served you in your own moments of need?

[00:33:22] Kristen Butler: Yeah, exactly. So 15 years ago, um, in June or July is when I started Power of Positivity and after hitting rock bottom, it was a few years after and literally every area of my life was changing.

[00:33:36] Kristen Butler: I mean, and it was small in comparison to what it is now, but when Facebook started pages, I was like, well, I'm not going to make it about work, right? Cause I was really into that work life. Balance than I still am. And I thought, well, what could I create that's more like hobby or something That's very important to me.

[00:33:55] Kristen Butler: And as I reflected on the past few years and the transformation, I was like. What is that one thing of all of it? Because I, I adopted so many new lifestyle habits and it was like, is it my food? Is it my activity? Is it, you know, my relationships? Like, what is it? And it was like, it's positive thinking. It's positivity.

[00:34:15] Kristen Butler: It's a positive lifestyle. And then power of positivity came out of that. And so I checked to see if there was a domain name and if anybody already had the business, cause I'm not trying to take someone's business and no one had it. You know, and so it really birthed out of the desire to want to help the person that I was and where I was, because I didn't really have those tools then.

[00:34:37] Kristen Butler: And I didn't even understand at that time that I could get out of that place. And so I really wanted to help the people who felt stuck because I had felt just so.

[00:34:49] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Well, I mean, I, I, I feel like that type of mission is exactly what we need people to be pursuing. And what was it like for you once you started to, you know, create the content and expand the community?

[00:35:03] Nikki La Croce: Like, what was it like for you to see that to start growing? And I'm emphasizing the community side of it, because This is something that on a personal level, I really admire about what you've done. Um, the thing that I've noticed and, and part of, as I mentioned to you, like doing this rebrand with my podcast is I was so focused on creating the content and having the conversations because I love this.

[00:35:28] Nikki La Croce: that it wasn't really going through my brain about how much I really was missing out on interacting with listeners. And that I'm at this point of, okay, well, I'm having these great conversations, but if I'm not sharing them with people in bigger, more impactful ways, bigger being like, you know, more frequent or engaging on my own end, then like it, it's sort of like it sits there and it doesn't, it's in the confines of what the actual structure of an episode is.

[00:35:56] Nikki La Croce: So, um, can you share a little bit about like what it was like for you to build that community and was this community something that you saw as sort of a vision from the beginning or did that grow organically?

[00:36:06] Kristen Butler: You know, I'm someone who does love solitude, but I also think we are wired for community and a little backstory.

[00:36:16] Kristen Butler: Like I just loved social media since I was like 14, like, you know, MSN, this just shows how my age, but Oh, I was like, well, if you're saying social

[00:36:25] Nikki La Croce: media since you were 14, I'm like, shit, how old am I? Yeah.

[00:36:28] Kristen Butler: Yeah. So like back then they had bolt. com and they had like advertised it to me and I was a teen and I'm like, Oh yeah, meeting people from all around the world.

[00:36:37] Kristen Butler: I'm in a small town in Pennsylvania, let's do this. And so here it's like, wow, I can get on this platform and meet people all around the world. And back then that wasn't even a thing. It was like the internet was creepy. What are you doing, Kristen? Yeah. And so I had made like bold beauties back then. It was like a group for women to reflect on their inner beauty, not just the outside.

[00:36:58] Kristen Butler: the outer beauty, right? So, um, I just loved creating communities and meeting people from all around the world. And so social media was just something I was super passionate about. So when I started Power of Positivity, I kind of already had that experience in building communities and connecting with people.

[00:37:16] Kristen Butler: And I knew that if I'm just friendly and engage with them and help and make an impact that they're going to want to like stay and they're going to feel like this is a little family. And so that's really how it started. started and I just knew that I wanted to make a huge impact. Like I would say, you know, silly affirmations like I'd love it to be as big as, you know, Coca Cola or Pepsi, like a everyday household name, you know?

[00:37:41] Kristen Butler: And I'm just, I was just very passionate and excited because I had experienced such a transfer transformation that I'm like, Anyone who's stuck needs this, like they need to feel this kind of transformation. I was just, you know how it is when you first get into something and you're just like way overly passionate.

[00:37:59] Kristen Butler: You feel like everybody needs to know about it. Well, that's exactly what I was going to say. That's where I was. Yeah.

[00:38:04] Nikki La Croce: Well, I think it's, you know, it's interesting too, because when we are in that place, like you said, there was a novelty and a newness and an excitement about it. Um, but I, I feel like what, your community and the growth of what you've done shows and even just hearing what you're sharing about your own life and your own journey is that you can maintain that enthusiasm and that excitement for something when you really care about it and that also really gets back to the A lot of the points that you make in your book about, like, we don't have to suffer for our entire lives trying to make something work that doesn't feel aligned to who we are, and it sounds like this was really from the very beginning quite aligned with you and as a beginner.

[00:38:48] Nikki La Croce: An entrepreneur does finding the domain and immediately was available. I think that that's like, you know, maybe divine timing and intervention where you were able to receive that and be like, this is your go ahead, go do it. Yeah. With the, um, the comment you made about like maybe these silly affirmations, I, I would say like, it's not silly, right?

[00:39:05] Nikki La Croce: Because for my own experience, I literally on my desk right now, have two affirmations that I, that I wrote the other day all as well as one that really helps me because even when things are bumpy, I'm just like, it's all as well, you know, and just keep bringing myself back to center with that. And these are things that like, I would have scoffed at, like the idea of affirmations.

[00:39:27] Nikki La Croce: I rolled my eyes at the idea of therapy before I was in it for five years. You know, I just, I think when you are unfamiliar with things and. You don't have people, maybe even guiding you, whether it's virtually or in your own life, sharing their experiences. It's hard to become invested in an idea that's new because it's out of your comfort zone.

[00:39:50] Nikki La Croce: But bringing positive thinking and intentionality into your comfort zone is really important. What allows you to expand that and that was something that really blew me away from I think our first email exchanges About the idea of the comfort zone and your philosophy that it's not about it's not about staying in it And that's not okay, or you have to leave it to be able to grow.

[00:40:16] Nikki La Croce: It's like What can you do in your life to cultivate experiences that stretch you to go beyond what you're familiar with and then establish boundaries so you know what's comfortable and what's not. And some of that stuff, leave it out of your comfort zone. We're not saying tuck everything

[00:40:32] Kristen Butler: in there, right?

[00:40:32] Kristen Butler: Oh my gosh, absolutely not. Yeah, it's such a personal journey because success means something different for all of us, right? And so we don't all have the same definition and the same things do not equal success for us. So really knowing who we are and what does success mean to us and what would success look like for us?

[00:40:53] Kristen Butler: I mean, everyone is going to have a different answer, but oftentimes we try to follow the blueprint. of someone else and what they think success is. And so I'm trying to really say like, Hey, find out what yours is. And then I want you to grow from that place and however slow it takes, that's up to you.

[00:41:09] Kristen Butler: However fast it takes, that's up to you. Cause I even love talking about momentum in the book. I love momentum, but it's really a very just personal journey and it should be enjoyable. Like we don't want to get to the end of our life and say, wow, you know, I really worked too much or I didn't have enough relation, positive relationships or whatever regrets we might have.

[00:41:33] Kristen Butler: The key is just make the most of it. So there's not as many regrets, right?

[00:41:37] Nikki La Croce: Well, I love that you brought that point specifically up because I have a note about it and I noted that it was on page 10 about that, you know, on their deathbed, people don't wish that they had worked harder or more. And the reason that I had noted this was because I had.

[00:41:53] Nikki La Croce: Lost my job, um, I think in like 2016 and my mom and one of my best friends were like fight every urge you have to go immediately solve the problem and, and find a new one because I graduated in the recession and so I was like, had this fear of not having a job and being in the U. S. and not having healthcare and just like, you know, the anxiety of, Oh my God, the unknown, what's going to happen.

[00:42:13] Nikki La Croce: And when I came back from this road trip that I took for two weeks by myself, just kind of like recenter things, I pulled up to my house to let my mom know. Uh, I called her to let her know I got back and she said to me, Nikki, at the end of the day, like nobody ever wishes they worked more. Like that's it.

[00:42:30] Nikki La Croce: And so it really resonated with me and like hit me in the heart in the best possible way because it's true. And that's something that I keep in mind quite often. Um, especially as I've exited toxic work situations. There's a lot to be said for, as I mentioned, you know, the intentionality of the positive thinking, but it's not just positive thinking, right?

[00:42:50] Nikki La Croce: It's implementing things like you said, feel good to you. It doesn't have to be painful. Um, it doesn't have to be joyless. In fact, quite arguably, it should be the opposite. And if you, if you are enjoying yourself and my wife and I always talk about like prioritizing playfulness, like give yourself the freedom to just like exist in what is and appreciate that for what it is.

[00:43:14] Nikki La Croce: And the gratitude I feel like flows really well in those situations for me. Like coming to a place of recognition around how important gratitude was, I mean, fundamentally changed the way I look at life. My therapist told me gratitude and anxiety can't exist at the same time. So, when you're anxious, just start naming things you're grateful for.

[00:43:34] Nikki La Croce: It doesn't matter how small they are. And so, when you do that, you're just like rejigging your brain to be like, now regulate yourself and get into a place of gratitude. And I mean, truly, I feel like that was my, my turning point into a shift around positivity.

[00:43:50] Kristen Butler: Absolutely. When I was at rock bottom, it was like, well, I'm grateful that I have a bed to sleep on and a roof over my head.

[00:43:56] Kristen Butler: It's like, there is that guiding voice trying to tell you, Hey, Hey, don't be a victim. There are things going right. You just have to focus on it. Had I continued to In my own mind, feel like I was a victim. What would have happened? I don't know, but I literally got out by feeling grateful, even just for the little things every single day over and over.

[00:44:17] Kristen Butler: It's that repetition. It's that consistency. And I think so many people talk about it, but when you truly start embodying something consistently, It becomes who you are. And when you think about it, who you are was what you've been consistently being. And it's going to take time to become that new version of yourself, but it's going to feel good.

[00:44:37] Kristen Butler: Like for example, um, day 67 of 75 hard and I've done a ton of workouts before and I've been smaller. I've been a person that's been smaller and stronger, but I've never every single day read, read 10 pages of a book, You know, drank a gallon of water, did two workouts, one workouts outside and, and all the things.

[00:44:59] Kristen Butler: It's like when you, you're consistent, it builds and it just creates just this new world for you. You become almost a transformed person and you can transform into anything you want to be, but you have to be consistent and doing it once in a while doesn't really work. You know, it might work. create a little bit of momentum, but not enough to get you to where you need to be or where you want to be.

[00:45:27] Nikki La Croce: Right. Well, when you were saying that about momentum too, it made me the vision that I got in my head was sort of like thinking about, um, like running up a hill or like trying to like ride a bike up a hill. And it's like, okay, if you pedal, like, you know, consistently, you can get there or like, you know, keep going strong, you'll get there.

[00:45:43] Nikki La Croce: But if you stop, you start to just sort of like drift back down. Yeah. Right. Oh my gosh. That's so true. And, and so I feel like when I think about it like that, yeah, of course, I mean, momentum, super important and something that I'm, I've been thinking about as we've been talking around positivity in particular and, and getting to that place where it is the mindset.

[00:46:04] Nikki La Croce: I'm curious what your thoughts are on the topic of toxic positivity. Um, because I don't feel like the way that you're expressing what we should embody and how, um, we need to find these parts of ourselves and go on these journeys. I don't think that that's toxic positivity, but people will say, it's like, well, you just have to, you just have to think positively, just think positively.

[00:46:27] Nikki La Croce: And it's like, that's not what you're saying. You understand that it's not every single second of every single day is positive because we're human. So can you share a little bit about how you strike that balance of maintaining positive thinking?

[00:46:40] Kristen Butler: Yeah.

[00:46:40] Nikki La Croce: But also like giving space to the other emotions that you have.

[00:46:44] Kristen Butler: Yeah. So power of positivity is really about a positive lifestyle and to me a positive lifestyle is moving through your emotions, understanding them, using them to guide you. So those negative emotions might be red flags. When I was at rock bottom. Toxic positivity got me there. I just didn't realize it because what was I doing?

[00:47:05] Kristen Butler: I was stuffing my emotions down. I was wearing a smile on my face. I was telling myself, you're going to get through this. It's going to be fine. Just keep going. And I was telling myself that as I just continued to just put trash in my body and get bigger and bigger and not feel good. So that was toxic positivity.

[00:47:23] Kristen Butler: I was wearing a mask. I wasn't truly happy, but it was when I was bringing up those emotions. And then letting them out. They're not a guest in my home anymore. They're just kind of passing through. You're a visitor. Here's the boundary. You're going to leave. I understand you go ahead and go. And when we can guide our emotions and move through them and come back to positivity, come back to gratitude, because that's the true reality, but we can't ignore it.

[00:47:50] Kristen Butler: We're living in a world where there's things Tons of things that are constantly coming at us and there's opportunity for a lot of pain, but we can't stuff it down. We have to move through it. And that's truly living a positive lifestyle. When, and also when you add in habits every day that can help you manage those emotions and those experiences better, it makes dealing with them much easier.

[00:48:15] Kristen Butler: I didn't have those kinds of tools. Before I hit rock bottom and I wasn't even aware of some of those things. So it felt much harder to even face them. So of course I was going to stuff them down because I didn't have the tools. I wasn't able to go to therapy at that time or, you know, Try gratitude, because at least in my reality, that didn't even like, that wasn't even a thing.

[00:48:40] Kristen Butler: So moving through them, just not letting them stay stuck, finding the positive, that's truly living a positive lifestyle.

[00:48:50] Nikki La Croce: I really like the analogy that you gave, um, saying that you're not a guest in my home. Yeah. Do you feel like journaling was like one of the biggest things for you in terms of making that transformation and having that consistency, um, and gaining the perspective on the need for that consistency?

[00:49:06] Nikki La Croce: Or was it journaling and a combination of other things? Um, I'm assuming journaling's in there just based on what you said. So, um, like what, what tools? Have you used that you found most effective and how have they maybe evolved over the years as you've grown?

[00:49:22] Kristen Butler: That's a great question. You know thinking about it when I was a teenager, I was moving through my emotions a lot more journaling I had lost my grandfather who was almost like a father to me at 15 and And thinking back, like I journaled so much.

[00:49:37] Kristen Butler: I wrote poetry. I got my emotions out in that way, but there's so many ways we can get emotions out. I'll go for a walk. Just that movement can move the energy out because some things don't need to Go into your mind and have reasoning, right? Like not every emotion needs to be overthought. Sometimes we think that, we're like, okay, you know, I don't feel like thinking about that and going through that right now.

[00:50:01] Kristen Butler: Sometimes just going for a walk, using that movement to move the emotion out is so important. If you can't do that and you're stuck, Still thinking about it, journal or talk to someone that you feel safe speaking with or talk to a therapist or a close friend or, you know, a partner, whatever it is. I think there's so many different things we can use to kind of reflect.

[00:50:24] Kristen Butler: I also love solitude. I mean, nature to me in solitude, it's like that can just be such a healing experience as well. So I think there's just I

[00:50:33] Nikki La Croce: totally agree.

[00:50:34] Kristen Butler: So many things, it just depends on who you are, right?

[00:50:38] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Well, and I think to your point, um, you know, throughout this conversation is the, it's the ability to introspect and ask yourself the questions about like, what would help me in this moment?

[00:50:49] Nikki La Croce: I agree with you completely on, on movement. Um, definitely because I, as I've gone through therapy, I recognize, you know, like where you feel it in your body, like, what do I need to do? Do I need to actually go physically move and get it out? Um, I have. a hammock under my desk. And sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I just lay in it and swing back and forth to just like regulate my nervous system.

[00:51:12] Kristen Butler: I love that. The, the emotion code came to mind too. Did you ever see, um, Dr. Brady Nelson, I think is his name. Um, the emotion code that those emotions are getting stuck in our body and we either need to move through movement, journaling, you know, getting a massage. There's just so many different ways, um, that we can move.

[00:51:31] Kristen Butler: it through, but I can't imagine like when I was over 300 pounds. Yeah. Look at that. I was physically carrying all those emotions.

[00:51:39] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. That's a really good point too. I mean, so now that you're in a place where you, um, obviously you've had a, a really great amount of success with Power of Positivity, um, the books that you've written and the impact that you're making.

[00:51:54] Nikki La Croce: I mean, because it's like, yes, the numbers are incredible and there's no denying that. And I absolutely don't want to minimize it, but I think like you had said something earlier around, well, if you had, what would have happened if you had stayed in, in a state of victimhood, well, there are 50 million people that would be living life differently.

[00:52:15] Nikki La Croce: In some way, probably, right? Like, so what you've done is cultivate a community of people who are able to see what you've done, the content you're putting out there and between themselves, be able to see how much opportunity there is for this type of transformation. I mean, like, I, that was not a question, I guess it was just more of a statement of fact that it's, it's, it's quite, it's incredible to see how, how much community has been built around something where you've shed it.

[00:52:45] Nikki La Croce: you know, the things that really held you back.

[00:52:48] Kristen Butler: Yeah. That was just

[00:52:48] Nikki La Croce: so sweet. Whether that was like physically shedding the weight or emotionally shedding, you know, um, pieces of your story that you didn't feel were aligned to you anymore. Um, is that something that you, you tend to think about when you consider your community?

[00:53:05] Nikki La Croce: Like how that ripple effect has manifested for people? I feel like I w I feel like that's just such an incredible thing to know that you've been able to.

[00:53:18] Kristen Butler: I do get messages every day, you know, of people who've said, you know, your communities help me or your book has transformed my life, you know, um, or I I'm on my fourth or fifth journal, you know, and I'm like, it, it is, it's just so amazing. And and it fuels me. It gives more meaning to my life because I do love to make an impact and I love to see other people thrive and enjoy life because truly that's what we're here to do.

[00:53:47] Kristen Butler: So yeah, I reflect on that often and I can't even reflect too much because yeah, it can be overwhelming. It's like, wow, that's a lot of. people like, okay, Kristen, just breathe. It's okay. One person at a time. That's what I would say at the beginning. At the beginning, it'd be like one person at a time. Right.

[00:54:05] Kristen Butler: You know? Yeah. Um, and so that's where I kind of have to stay sometimes.

[00:54:10] Nikki La Croce: Well, I think that, I think that makes a lot of sense too. I am sure it can also feel like a lot of responsibility. Um, just knowing that there are people who are, are listening and watching and, and present for that. And it's. It's interesting to think about how that can transform our perspective on things as well, because it, you know, I'm very much I think similar to you in that I really want to make an impact.

[00:54:35] Nikki La Croce: I want people to be able to feel the impact of these conversations and the outcomes of them and be able to help themselves in some way. And, you know, I'm in that stage of like one person, like, that's it. That's all I, I, I'm happy for that. Something had happened a couple of weeks ago where a, a, um, a follower of my guest had actually posted how impactful this one episode was.

[00:54:59] Nikki La Croce: And I just like, I literally cried. I was like, this is so meaningful to me that somebody felt so much from this that they wanted to share their experience. of interacting with this conversation. And I feel like for the work that you're doing, and not even, I don't even want to call it the work, the mission that you have, um, to bring positivity to the forefront of the conversation is something that is not only essential for our individual wellbeing, but there's a collective healing that happens with that too.

[00:55:29] Nikki La Croce: And with the state of the world being what it is, I, you know, I feel like it's so much more important now for us to recognize that and start to like, peel back the layers of what's not working and start to build new things that do work for us, which is effectively like kind of the, the summation of what you're saying in the comfort zone.

[00:55:51] Nikki La Croce: It's like at an individual level, what do we do to get ourselves there? And then imagine what can happen if we're all in that place. I mean, the possibilities are so many. seemingly endless because you can see it like as a microcosm in an individual person that then can proliferate and keep going and make the world an actually better, kinder place.

[00:56:11] Kristen Butler: Yeah, no, that's so well said. It's like that phrase, be the change you want to see. When you're in a darker place, you like, and you don't really have much confidence in yourself. It's like, well, how could I be the change? And how could I really change the world by changing myself? And it can feel like that, but truly the ripple effect that you make within yourself is, is true.

[00:56:35] Kristen Butler: It's really like a thing. Like when you start to change, you ripple out to the people that you know, and then they ripple out whether you have a community or not. You can affect just the people in your household or the people in your family or your neighborhood or whatever. And when you start to see that you're responsible for other people, at least for me, that helped me as well because I want to help other people.

[00:56:59] Kristen Butler: others. And so knowing you're responsible for yourself and others and the change of this entire planet, you know, is transforming in itself, I think. Right.

[00:57:09] Nikki La Croce: Oh, how could it not be? I mean, the thing that I think we just all get really mired down with and you'd mentioned, you know, really loving social media from, kind of the get go and seeing the value in that.

[00:57:21] Nikki La Croce: You know, there's the flip side of it. There's the dark side of it where people feel, you know, lack of worth because they're following people that they feel, you know, have a life that they want to have. And then why can't they have it? And so I do feel like a big part of making sure that we stay grounded in a sense of a positive lifestyle and build that around us is, you know, It is about what you put in, like you said, whether it's food, whether it's the things that you're telling yourself, whether it's the things you're allowing in from other people, like you have to make the active choice to say, this is what I'm consuming today.

[00:57:54] Nikki La Croce: This is what I won't allow in. And I feel like that in itself is a boundary, but it's also like a way to really gauge, like, What sort of balance you have, um, because I can go down a news rabbit hole and be miserable for weeks and I'm like, I just, I'm not doing that. Like I'll keep myself up to date on the most essential things that I need to know at the same time, recognizing that there isn't necessarily a lot.

[00:58:21] Nikki La Croce: of good that can come from, you know, spiraling out about like my love to hate things, you know, it's like that's not healthy. It's very easy to get consumed by the tragic things and the, um, upsetting things that are happening in the world and feel connected to that under the guise of like, I want there to be change in the world.

[00:58:42] Nikki La Croce: And it's like, yeah, but I'm just like bitching about the fact that it's not better instead of putting positivity out there and trying to help change it.

[00:58:50] Kristen Butler: Yeah, no, absolutely. It's really about curating. When you were talking like curating just kept coming to mind, like curating your life, curating your day.

[00:58:58] Kristen Butler: But yes, we live in a world of duality. So we're going to have disparity. And it, I'm, sensitive person. And so sometimes that can really affect me. And so what I've learned to do is just send out like blessings or just send out good energy, knowing that that's going to help versus my worry, or me being in a sense of pain for them, because.

[00:59:24] Kristen Butler: You know, everybody talks about it, but really holding onto that's going to create more of that. And when you see that that happens in your own life, then what is that doing for other people? So not thinking of them as victims, but seeing them as people, um, being victors or getting out of that or the solution coming to them or whatever in that moment, whatever kind of energy you can give to them, that more positive energy and being for something and not against it.

[00:59:50] Kristen Butler: I really see the difference in that shift in mindset.

[00:59:54] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, that was beautifully stated. And I loved the, um, point that you made about going from victim to victor. Like, that's just incredible. I feel like that's a mindset shift in and of itself, just hearing you say that, right? Like, and I think that that's also something that's super important as we're curating things in our life.

[01:00:12] Nikki La Croce: And when we're putting content out there, these are the little life changing moments that can happen in, you know, 30 seconds or less, right? So you just don't know what's going to hit. At the right time in the right way for a person or several people and I think to know that the possibility exists to be able to impact somebody with something seemingly small, something very seemingly small, whether it's a small statement or a small act of kindness, whatever, like you can change somebody's day and changing that day.

[01:00:44] Nikki La Croce: can possibly change the rest of their life. Like you literally don't know. So I feel like showing up with positivity and showing up with gratitude and showing up with care for ourselves and for each other is how we actually manifest that life that we want, but that we also, as you stated, you know, we're building, um, the life around us with.

[01:01:08] Nikki La Croce: good energy that, you know, we don't have to feel that sense of worry if we know that we're sort of protected by that. And yes, bad things can happen and worry can creep in. It's not unrealistic for that to happen, but you don't have to hold onto that worry. You can feel safe in knowing that there is something on the other side of that.

[01:01:29] Kristen Butler: Yeah. And like you're doing Nikki, like sharing these vulnerable stories and, and letting people know that, Hey, this is okay, but you can also get out of it. And that everyday people experience this, but also people who are wildly successful also experience this and it's okay. Right?

[01:01:45] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I really appreciate that you said that because something that has been really incredible for me to witness, um, in the four years that I've been doing this show, and I guess almost five now, is, um, That the through line is really about the, the resilience and the self care and the self love and the intention that people bring to their own lives, because more often than not, my guests are sharing some sort of story about life.

[01:02:18] Nikki La Croce: kind of, you know, hitting them over the head and feeling down and out and whatever those circumstances were, they can be monumentally different. But there is a really interesting through line where people are saying a lot of the same things and it's reflected in the books that they're writing like yourself and the conversations that we're having here.

[01:02:38] Nikki La Croce: And When you know that there's so much consistency in that, you can't help but embody it. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Totally. Well, I really appreciate you taking the time to have this conversation with me. And as we're rounding out the episode here, I just, I cannot say enough how amazing I think it is that you have created this community and that, you know, More than that, that you showed up for yourself in a way that allowed you to find what you needed within yourself to create this community that is thriving and global and helping humanity in a meaningful way.

[01:03:18] Kristen Butler: Yeah. Thank you for having me, Nikki. And I hope that my story also helps other people do that for themselves. Cause that's really my goal in sharing is not to really say like, Hey, look at. what I went through, but it's like, Hey, you can do it too. Like this is, you know, implementable. You can do it. So thank you for having me.

[01:03:39] Kristen Butler: I appreciate it. And shout out to Nick Hutchison for connecting us, right? Yes,

[01:03:43] Nikki La Croce: absolutely. Nick has been an absolute. amazing referral for some brilliant podcast guests. So I'm so appreciative of him and his book thinkers crew for syncing you and I up. And thank you again for sharing a copy of your book with me.

[01:04:01] Nikki La Croce: I'm so glad I had a chance to Just dive into it and really, you know, take a, take away a lot of valuable information and thought provoking content from that and gang, you can find out more about Kristen at PositiveKristen. com and PowerOfPositivity. com is where you can find her community on social media.

[01:04:21] Nikki La Croce: I believe you are also at PositiveKristen. Is that correct?

[01:04:24] Kristen Butler: Yes, absolutely. And I love to update Instagram, right?

[01:04:29] Nikki La Croce: Perfect. Well, is there anywhere else that you want, um, people to find you or, um, any events upcoming that you want to let people know about?

[01:04:38] Kristen Butler: Hmm. Yeah, my books are just on Amazon, right? Like, so if you really want to start implementing positivity, but you're not really sure how to start, my journals have exercises for three minutes in the morning and three minutes in the evening.

[01:04:52] Kristen Butler: So it's super easy to start implementing like right away.

[01:04:56] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. And I will put links to those books in the show notes. And in the meantime, I just, again, appreciate you being here and gang, that's all for this episode. We'll catch you on the flip side. Gang, thanks so much for joining me for this week's episode.

[01:05:10] Nikki La Croce: I just appreciate your support and it means so much to me that you tune in week after week. The best thing that you can do to help spread the word about the podcast is if this episode resonated with you, go ahead and share it with somebody else, wherever you listen to your podcasts, or you can go ahead and subscribe to my YouTube channel and share it from there.

[01:05:27] Nikki La Croce: I also really appreciate it if you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts because that really helps give people a better understanding of what the show's about and what you appreciate about the conversations that we're having. And until then, I'll catch you on the flip side.