Learn To Love Yourself After Divorce

[00:00:00] Leah Mazur: Well, think about how we grow up. Like, look at the movies, look at Disney movies and, and things like Jerry Maguire, you complete me. Like, blah, blah, blah. We're taught that that's, that's like our goal in life is to find our other half. Yeah. No, no, you are whole all by yourself. You, you are the cake. A relationship is the icing.

[00:00:24] Leah Mazur: You don't need it, but it makes things a little sweeter.

[00:00:31] Nikki La Croce: Hey gang, I'm excited for you to join me this week and especially excited to share with you an episode that I have long awaited releasing with my guest Leah Marie Mazur. She is just overall a really beautiful soul and I am grateful for the opportunity to have met her through the podcast. And beyond that, I'm just thrilled to share with you all the insights that she has.

[00:00:53] Nikki La Croce: Leah is a divorce recovery coach and she helps people who are navigating the aftermath of departing from long term relationships. So whether you've gone through divorce, you're actively going through a divorce or you have left a long term relationship that wasn't a marriage, I promise you that this episode will deliver so much value.

[00:01:12] Nikki La Croce: It will give you a lot of insight, but also offer you the opportunity to really look inward and start to dig a little deeper around the parts of yourself that you're hoping to grow and improve as you're reaching this next stage of your life. Speaking from my own personal experience, divorce is very challenging.

[00:01:32] Nikki La Croce: Now, I'm sure it can be different if it's amicable, but that is not always the case. And for me, I know that my support system during that process was mission critical to getting me through those really challenging times. And what Leah does with her business and just as a human being is share what she has learned through her own process of navigating two divorces so that you can hopefully have a bit of an easier time working your way through this part of your life and in the best case scenario, meet some people to help support you along the way.

[00:02:04] Nikki La Croce: So let's dive in. Hey gang, I'm Nikki La Croce and today I'm sharing the mic with Leah Mazur and Leah is a divorce recovery coach who in her own life has navigated two divorces and has learned from them. Firsthand, that establishing a strong sense of self is the foundation to finding true joy and inner peace.

[00:02:20] Nikki La Croce: I think this is a phenomenal mission. I wish I had known you when I was going through my divorce, but I'm happy to know you now.

[00:02:27] Leah Mazur: I wish I knew me.

[00:02:30] Nikki La Croce: Amen to that. I'm glad to know you now and so glad to have you here. Welcome to the show, Leah.

[00:02:36] Leah Mazur: Thank you. Thanks for having me, Nikki. I'm excited to hang out.

[00:02:38] Nikki La Croce: Yes.

[00:02:39] Nikki La Croce: Same. Um, and that's a really good way of putting it. I feel like when you and I first connected, like I said, you know, before we started, it was months ago now. Um, but there's something, there is some sort of tie that binds, um, when you meet people who have gone through similar experiences. And even though the circumstances aren't exactly the same, and I'm sure you see this all the time in the way that That you're doing the work that you're doing and helping many people through these various personal unique circumstances.

[00:03:08] Nikki La Croce: There is something really genuine about people who want to heal, who want to show up differently. And, um, Before we dive fully into what you're doing now, I would love to maybe start a little bit with how you've gotten to where you are. Um, and if you're comfortable with it, I thought maybe we could start with something that you shared with me when we first met, which is sort of the, um, your origin story, if you will, of having lost both your parents pretty young.

[00:03:42] Nikki La Croce: Um, so do you mind walking through that a little bit to get, um, listeners acquainted with sort of the root of your story?

[00:03:49] Leah Mazur: Yeah. So when I was 16, my mother and I were living in an apartment and she actually had an asthma attack in her bedroom and slipped into a coma and died two days later. It was incredibly traumatic, unexpected.

[00:04:08] Leah Mazur: It was horrible. And five years later, My dad died of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed and then six months later he was gone. And I'm an only child, so it felt like I was just thrown to the wolves. Like I was like, okay, Leah, here's the world. Go figure it out. Yeah. I had no idea what I was doing. I was very, very lost and.

[00:04:34] Leah Mazur: I didn't realize it at the time, but my coping mechanism became serial monogamy. I just hopped from relationship to relationship for years because I didn't know how to be alone. I didn't know that I had a really deep seated abandonment issues. My self esteem was shot and I was just lost. So for me, being in a relationship was almost tethering me to something.

[00:05:03] Leah Mazur: It, it, it, I felt like if I wasn't in one, I didn't know who I was or what I was doing in this world or what I was meant to do. And so I did that for a long time and it wasn't until my second divorce that it really hit me. That was my, my ugly wake up call was, Why do I keep finding myself in these situations?

[00:05:23] Leah Mazur: Why do I keep choosing the relationships I'm choosing? What do I need to start doing differently to get better results in my life? And that's when I really dove into all the inner work. We talk about the healing and cultivating self awareness and boundary setting and building your self esteem and knowing your worth and all of that stuff that contributes to all of the choices you make every day.

[00:05:51] Leah Mazur: And so then through that journey, that's just where I learned a bunch of stuff. I have all these tools and resources and things that worked for me. And I know I've worked for thousands of thousands of other women who have gone through similar things. And, So now that's what I do is I, I share everything that I know on how to get yourself to a place where you can feel whole and happy and fulfilled all by yourself.

[00:06:16] Nikki La Croce: Everything that you just said is just like a big, you know, like preach hands in the air. Absolutely emphatic. Yes. Because there are so many things that I want to touch on in just what is sort of a very brief consolidation of what is a lot of life experience. First of all, um, being that young and losing both of your parents is just phenomenally surreal to me.

[00:06:41] Nikki La Croce: I mean, I lost my mom a couple of years ago. As anybody who listens knows, it was very sudden. Um, I was not there, but I imagine, you know, similarly, my dad was in the room, right? It's like when something like that happens, you are forever changed.

[00:06:54] Leah Mazur: Yes.

[00:06:54] Nikki La Croce: Plus it's your parent and you are a child at that point.

[00:06:57] Nikki La Croce: You're very much a child. And so I can't imagine just sort of navigating the grief of that and knowing that even in my 30s when that happened, I didn't necessarily have the space or the tools to, to understand the grief that I would be going through. And so. Thankfully, I was already in therapy and I had a good support system, but, um, when you are that young and you sort of don't even understand any of your emotions well enough to know what, how that's going to impact you moving forward, it makes complete sense.

[00:07:32] Nikki La Croce: That it would have this really profound effect on you, that as you're continuing to go through life and sort of just doing what you need to do to get by, that you are, um, I'm going to use the word clinging, even though I feel like I don't want it to seem like I think there's a desperate. No,

[00:07:51] Leah Mazur: it is. It's like a life raft.

[00:07:52] Nikki La Croce: Yeah.

[00:07:53] Leah Mazur: Yeah. Like a life preserver. Yeah.

[00:07:54] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. So you're like clinging to, you know, whatever it is that will sort of make you feel safe in that moment. And, um, even to the point where like, I was actively leaving my ex when my mom passed away and I was like, well, no, maybe I need you to like stick around and then things happened.

[00:08:08] Nikki La Croce: And it was very clear that that wasn't going to be the case and it shouldn't be the case. So it was like, okay, um, thank you legal system for ensuring that I didn't let this person back into my life. But. Um, I digress. The point being that, um, you know, you point out that you had this moment or maybe several moments that accumulated to be like, what am I doing?

[00:08:33] Nikki La Croce: So, so I, I do feel from my own perspective and witnessing other people around me go through these things too, is that it is that pivotal moment of I'm recognizing patterns in myself. I'm willing to acknowledge my own accountability to these situations. And I also actively don't want to keep allowing these types of situations into my life.

[00:08:58] Leah Mazur: Yeah. And that can be a really hard process. It's a, you know, it's not pretty, it's not pretty. No, it's

[00:09:06] Nikki La Croce: a real rude awakening. And I think the thing that a lot of people don't want to hear is that we are somewhat accountable for it. Right. And I remember being in therapy and having this moment where it was like, Let's talk about the role you played in this.

[00:09:20] Nikki La Croce: Um, you know, because I was in a psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist. And so you're, you mentioned when we spoke in our intro chat, a big part is like getting over the shame and the feelings that you have when you're actually exiting the situation. And it was like, My first instinct was, how dare you act like I am part of the problem, even though, yes, absolutely.

[00:09:44] Nikki La Croce: Um, that is the case, but it's like that self awareness is so mission critical to getting to a place where you can actually acknowledge your participation. And it doesn't mean you're responsible for abuse or being treated poorly in a way that might not be abuse. Um, it just means that. As you said, you're making choices that are rooted in potentially or probably childhood wounds of some sort, things that are unresolved.

[00:10:09] Nikki La Croce: And so how did you get to a place? Because obviously, like something went off in your brain was like, I got to change this. I have to know myself well enough to change this. Do you recall anything in particular that really drove you towards the, um, more introspective side of things? Or have you always been somebody that sort of is like, I do look inward, I do reflect, and I want to know more about myself.

[00:10:30] Leah Mazur: No, it really was after that second divorce. And in the process, that's when I really got into mindfulness and meditation. And that's actually why I named my company Mindfully Ready, because Through mindfulness and meditation, that's how I cultivated self awareness. And then that self awareness helps you do that self reflection where you can look back objectively and ask yourself, What role did I play?

[00:11:03] Leah Mazur: I'm not taking blame. I'm not saying anything's my fault, but I did play a role. Where was I mentally and emotionally when I started that relationship? What boundaries was, were I not setting? What red flags did I miss or ignore? Right? Like, what part did I play? And that is what empowers you moving forward to make it.

[00:11:27] Leah Mazur: choices that are better aligned with the results that you really want.

[00:11:32] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Well, I love that you make that point too, because it really is a results thing, right? Um, as with anything in our life, right? Like we want to get that job. We really desire, we look at it, we say, okay, this is what I have to do to go get it.

[00:11:45] Nikki La Croce: Step one, two, three, let's, let's make it happen. We think about it when we're even pursuing people in dating, right? Um, you know, I want to date this person. Here are the things that I'm going to do. Whether those are the healthy things to do or not may be determined, but I feel like getting to that moment of real mindfulness resonates a lot and it's almost like you're, you're doing what you're doing at really the optimal time.

[00:12:12] Nikki La Croce: for there to be space for it because so much of what people have gone through historically has not been voiced publicly, has not been given the space or the platform to share what that transition point is like. That recognition of this wasn't right for me. I don't know what's right for me. I want to know what's right for me.

[00:12:34] Nikki La Croce: And then actually taking the steps to get there. And I agree with you that mindfulness and meditation were so Unbelievably important for me as well. Um, in a lot of ways, it was so I could calm my mind and body to get to a place of feeling safe again. To then be able to trust myself and move through that healing journey with more intention rather than sort of like spastically roaming about feeling all the stress of the trauma and the anxiety of, of the actual split because divorce in and of itself is, I mean, I would say if you've gone through an amicable, amicable divorce, like, Good for you.

[00:13:17] Nikki La Croce: Um, but when you're getting sort of dragged through the mud, if you don't have, first of all, you're probably not through enough healing at that point to be as maybe rational with yourself or, or gentle with yourself as you need to be. But also if you don't have a support system of people who can really be there for you in that process, that is, They, I mean, it must be devastating.

[00:13:41] Nikki La Croce: I have to say it in the hypothetical because it was very lucky that I had a super strong support system. So can you share a bit more about sort of what your journey was like? Did you have, um, you know, that type of support and that was what inspired you to create what you've created? Or was it more like you created the thing that you wish you had?

[00:13:58] Leah Mazur: I created the thing I wish I had for sure. I did have the support of friends and family, but when you're going through something like that, unless other people have gone through it, they just don't know. And it's not their fault. They could be coming from a place of love, but no one can really relate until they've gone through it themselves.

[00:14:22] Leah Mazur: And that being said, even if you do have people in your life who have gone through it, your experience can be significantly different than theirs. So you, it really is a solitary, unique journey. But getting the support you need is vital because it's such an isolating experience. And so that was one of the main reasons that I put together a private support group for women was so that they had a place to go to connect with others.

[00:14:53] Leah Mazur: to share their stories, to ask questions, to ask questions to people who were in it, who were in that same storm or who've already been through it, and then they can kind of give the advice of, okay, well here's what worked. Here's what didn't work. And, And so it's so important to get support and that, so that could be a support group, either online or in person.

[00:15:15] Leah Mazur: That could be a therapist. That could be a coach. It really, and it could be all of it. I have clients who are doing all of it. Yeah. And who are taking courses and workshops. And so it's really up to you on how much you want to submerge yourself in, but there are a lot of resources available now where you can lean on others and ask questions and get that guidance that will help you.

[00:15:38] Leah Mazur: navigate that terrain.

[00:15:40] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. So you make an interesting point there too, Leah, around the variety of options that we have. And I love the term that you use to submerge yourself in it. Um, because there is, I think, as with any sort of personal growth content. My wife and I talk about this all the time. It's really important to make sure you do have a sense of balance with it, because I think it can be really easy to sort of drown yourself in all of the things that you're trying to do.

[00:16:08] Nikki La Croce: Um, that maybe feels like as a, as if it's a healthier coping mechanism, because you're like, I'm consuming all this stuff that's going to help me grow. And I really, you know, believe that this is working. And it's like, but that can, I think pretty rapidly sometimes. And, and, not maybe consistently, but sort of takes you by surprise when it, it reaches a point of overwhelm and you're like, Oh my gosh, like now there's too much input and not enough actual implementation of what you've learned to be able to navigate it more smoothly.

[00:16:37] Nikki La Croce: So do you have any, um, sort of thoughts on that or recommendations for people who might feel inclined to like dive so deep in, but maybe not pull themselves out enough to like really give them time for either reflection or just space to sit with it?

[00:16:50] Leah Mazur: Yeah, I think that this is one of many different circumstances that you have to tune into yourself and learn how to be honest with yourself about what you need, or what is too much, or where you need to draw the line.

[00:17:06] Leah Mazur: Everybody is different. It really is a unique journey. And so, For me, I love personal development, like, sign me up, like, those are, like, those are the books I read, those are the pocket, like, I, I'm all about it, so I can take in a lot, because I'm just so interested in it, and I retain that information. For some people, this might be like just dipping a toe and then that water they haven't really approached before.

[00:17:29] Leah Mazur: And so you have to be honest with yourself. If you feel like you're overwhelmed, take a step back. I think it's important to remind yourself that this is a never ending journey. This isn't just something you sign up for after divorce and after a few months, like you've reached the top of the mountain and you're done.

[00:17:45] Leah Mazur: This is a lifelong thing. You always want to be learning about yourself and growing and evolving and connecting with your intuition and your higher self. And that really never ends, even for someone like me, who's like obsessed with personal development. I talk about it all the time. I'm taking it in all the time.

[00:18:06] Leah Mazur: I'm still on the journey. I don't like wake up and go, I'm done. I got nothing more I got to work on. There's always something that is another, as a new opportunity to check in with yourself and adjust your sales as needed.

[00:18:21] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Well, I like the way that you put that too, that, I mean, The fact that you use the term evolving is really important.

[00:18:27] Nikki La Croce: I, that's something that I really try to emphasize because I feel like it's very easy sometimes to sort of have this feeling potentially of contentment with where you're at and just be like, that's sort of good enough. And I think there are times and places in our lives where maybe that is the place that we're at, but I would find it.

[00:18:46] Nikki La Croce: really difficult just being the type of person that I am. And I imagine based on why you're saying the same thing to, to really not feel inspired or called to like pull in more of the information, because if you know that it's out there and you know that it can be beneficial, why would you not tap into those resources?

[00:19:02] Nikki La Croce: And what you're doing with, um, with Mindfully Ready and these support groups they've created is basically saying to people, here's an invitation to like really show up for yourself and, and start that journey or continue on that journey and find, you know, more of a sense of hope or healing through that.

[00:19:22] Nikki La Croce: What has it been like for you to have cultivated these communities of people who are really showing up, you know, first and foremost for themselves, um, but then also really by way of doing that for each other.

[00:19:39] Leah Mazur: It's, it's been amazing. It's, it's, it's still inspires me and motivates me. It's very rewarding to see how many people I can help just by, you know, offering a space for them to go and having resources available to them.

[00:19:57] Leah Mazur: And it's also healing for me because it gives me a sense of purpose. It helps me feel like I went through everything I went through for a reason. Now it's my turn to kind of take everything I've learned and, and help others and lift others up and inspire others and, and help them on their journey. It, it, it.

[00:20:20] Leah Mazur: It gives me fulfillment to be able to do that.

[00:20:23] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. I feel the exact same way. I mean, you know, before we started recording and I was telling you how excited I am to have this conversation right now, um, because I have a friend who's. navigating a new relationship that, you know, who knows what's to come.

[00:20:37] Nikki La Croce: It's very new, but being able to sort of see in her some of the parts of myself that I saw after leaving a long term relationship, it wasn't a divorce for her, but it was, I think, a six or seven year relationship. They were living together. There was a child involved, right? So I think that when you can sort of zoom out and observe it with the experience that you have in mind, It's so much easier to be able to think, okay, what would I have needed somebody to say to me?

[00:21:09] Leah Mazur: Hundred percent. And. I can only take people as deeply as I've gone myself.

[00:21:16] Nikki La Croce: That's a good point. Yeah. So

[00:21:17] Leah Mazur: within my own healing journey and, and touching on all of these things that I struggle with myself, now I can see that easily in others. I can recognize things quickly and I can pick things out that maybe they're not self aware enough to notice and then bring that to their attention and then go, okay, how are we going to deal with this?

[00:21:38] Nikki La Croce: It really is a reassurance that you are in the right space. Um, and I'm so glad that you are. I, you know, even just having these conversations with my friend the other day, um, some of them were in person and then we kind of continued via text. And I was having these moments of recognition where I'm like, I think, you know, But I need to say something to make sure that you hear yourself say it.

[00:21:59] Nikki La Croce: Like, I need to make sure that you know that you know this.

[00:22:03] Leah Mazur: Yeah.

[00:22:04] Nikki La Croce: Because I don't think I really even understood, to your point, and you say this a lot in the content that you create and even just now, is like, if you don't understand you, everything else is going to be real freaking hard to figure out. So there's so much introspection that has to come from You know, these departures that we make and then getting to a place of willfully wanting to heal and seeing somebody who like, I'm like, I know that, you know, that that person is toxic.

[00:22:32] Nikki La Croce: I know that, you know, that you deserve better. I hear you saying it, what I need to help you with. And this is sort of my internal dialogue at this, our monologue at this point is like, you know, What is it that I can say that will help you recognize that it's not, the emphasis doesn't need to be on that person or that relationship anymore.

[00:22:53] Nikki La Croce: It needs to be on you and what you're focusing on and where you want to go. And the challenge as I found, and I'm curious, sort of your perspective on this is, it's those moments that are triggering that pull you back into the parts of yourself that were insecure or maybe are still unhealed. And that sort of makes you question.

[00:23:13] Nikki La Croce: What you've learned, what you know, who you are now, because you spent maybe either so much time or just a lot of energy focusing on somebody else or a relationship at large that was really toxic and debilitating. So it's almost like you don't know how to keep yourself present with you instead of diverting your attention to these things that are sort of calling to you to come back to them.

[00:23:38] Nikki La Croce: Um, so yeah, I'm, I'm kind of, I don't know if that was really a question or, or really just looking for sort of your perspective on that observation. Yeah.

[00:23:45] Leah Mazur: Well, so it's like doing things that help bring you into the present moment and that help train you how to connect back with yourself and put your attention on you in the now.

[00:23:56] Leah Mazur: Mm

[00:23:56] Nikki La Croce: hmm. Yeah.

[00:23:57] Leah Mazur: And a really great tool to do that is a

[00:24:00] Nikki La Croce: journaling.

[00:24:01] Leah Mazur: That's something that my therapists had recommended that I do. And over the years I hear it again and again and again, there's been so many studies that show all of the benefits that can come from doing something that simple. Because it helps you process your emotions, it helps you see yourself more objectively because you're getting your thoughts out and onto paper for you to read them in a different way so it's not as, as loud in your mind, and it tracks your progress.

[00:24:32] Nikki La Croce: What I was thinking as you were saying that is like when you're writing it down, the other thing that I recognize because you're totally right about the objectivity is that there's actually sort of a physical release in writing it down because it externalizes for me at least like It externalizes maybe some of the anxiety that I've been internalizing and holding onto and feeling the stress and the strain in my body.

[00:24:55] Nikki La Croce: So even if nothing has fundamentally changed yet in terms of like fully processing it, it's sort of like this is my acknowledgement, this is naming it. And now that I've named it, it doesn't have to just like sit in this like compact little ball of anxiety in my chest somewhere.

[00:25:10] Leah Mazur: Yeah, it's an outlet. It's an outlet to get that energy out.

[00:25:14] Leah Mazur: And so there really is so many benefits. And I actually started keeping a journal in 2002. And I so I've got like a stack of journals and I don't do it every day. Like sometimes I'll do it more frequently. Sometimes I'll go months without writing in it. But I love to keep just logging my life and my thoughts and my feelings because it's crazy to go back and read where you were at, what you were worried about, what was making you anxious, what you were pissed off about and to see the progress you've made or what helped or, and when you do that, it can really help you settle into the now because you've seen how often Things come up, but then you figure it out.

[00:26:01] Leah Mazur: Yeah. Like every time, every time you figure it out. Right. And so it's almost, it gives you that sense of peace of, okay, I know that this is on me right now. And it's, I've got a lot on my plate and there are some things to think about and maybe some big decisions, but this isn't the first time. It's not going to be the last time.

[00:26:20] Leah Mazur: And I have to trust that I've got everything in me. To get through it and to figure it out.

[00:26:25] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, well, and I love that you said that and I apologize because I did cut you off as you were finishing your statement about journaling being a great way to track your progress because it's something that is very true and I don't know that I've really thought about it the same way that I'm thinking about it based on what you just described.

[00:26:41] Nikki La Croce: To elaborate on that, I'm not much of a pen to paper journaler because I have terrible handwriting and my brain works too fast for my hand to write. So I will find myself maybe typing on my phone or writing something out on my computer in a very sort of not, probably not very organized format. In theory, maybe I should just create like a Google Doc and just be like, this is my list of things that I've written.

[00:27:03] Nikki La Croce: Yeah,

[00:27:04] Leah Mazur: it can be just like a brain dump. Exactly,

[00:27:06] Nikki La Croce: exactly. So, but I've, I've looked back, um, in fact, quite recently in the last few months, probably, um, notes that I had written to myself even when I was still in my relationship with my ex, and seeing myself acknowledge the red flags and having the concerns and, and voicing them to myself.

[00:27:25] Nikki La Croce: And so I say that because I feel like it's an important acknowledgement that Even beyond, you know, even before I was really kind of on the healing journey at the same trajectory that I am now and in the same capacity, there was part of me that knew that something had to come out so I could process it and so I could work through it.

[00:27:43] Nikki La Croce: And I actually feel like that was also really an exercise in sort of getting me to a place where I could recognize enough. of the things that were happening to get to a place where I was like, I can't do this anymore. So even if it's not in the, um, the aftermath of a divorce and, and you're potentially listening to this and you're in a relationship that you're like, I don't know, I, it feels wrong or something in me is telling me it's off.

[00:28:08] Nikki La Croce: Like, listen to that and, and to your point, like journal about it, write it down, get it out of your body and, and start to examine that a little bit more because

[00:28:16] Leah Mazur: yes.

[00:28:17] Nikki La Croce: I think if I had been more conscious of what I was writing and not just sort of in the moment, just emoting and kind of moving on from it, then I might have maybe caught up with what I was feeling a little bit sooner.

[00:28:29] Nikki La Croce: You know, it's like my, my attachment to the toxicity sort of blinded me to what I actually was really recognizing.

[00:28:40] Leah Mazur: Yeah. And I think naturally a lot of us hold on to hope. Hope is the last thing to die. Like we just keep. Waiting and hoping that things will change. It'll be different this time. They'll realize the error of their ways now They're they're very sorry.

[00:29:00] Leah Mazur: They feel like they sound sorry. They say they're sorry. Um, I mean, there's so many reasons for us to just hold on especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time and you feel like I've invested all this time. I've gone this far. I can't just throw it all away So we hold on to it.

[00:29:16] Nikki La Croce: I felt like for me, part of it was like, I also don't want to be wrong about my judgment.

[00:29:21] Leah Mazur: Yeah, right. Like, what if this is wrong? What if I'm going to be alone forever on that? And this is my person and there's all of that stuff. And so writing it down is great because it's a way to present yourself with the fact it's like, there's, there's. Hope and potential. That you hold on to and there's reality, right?

[00:29:41] Leah Mazur: What are the actual hard truths in this situation and what is hypothetical? And at some point you have to decide that you're going to let the truth outweigh the potential.

[00:29:52] Nikki La Croce: Oh yeah, that just kind of gave me goosebumps, Leah, for sure. And it speaks to me a lot and I imagine probably people Who have been through similar experiences because there were moments where I was really like in denial of what the situation was, but not sort of, I'm going to say kind of willfully, I do think like being in a situation where there's psychological abuse, it's, it's disorienting by design, right?

[00:30:19] Nikki La Croce: So, um, I think part of it for me was really this recognition of this is what I was sort of believing my life to be, even though there were all of these signs that pointed to the fact that something's wrong. That doesn't make any sense. This isn't really what's happening. And then to be confronted with a lot of evidence that basically was like, you can't hide from the truth anymore.

[00:30:41] Nikki La Croce: It's here. What are you going to do with it? And it's like, You will at some point be faced with the choice of are you going to stay for all of the reasons that you can That you mentioned right? I'm holding on to hope or their potential or whatever You're never going to control what somebody else does no matter how hard you try You are not responsible for what they do or how they act or how they treat you Even if they try to convince you that that you are responsible for that So it's like it's like Once you take ownership of your own story, and you decide you're going to live your truth, regardless of whatever else the circumstances, that is such an incredibly empowering moment.

[00:31:17] Nikki La Croce: Um, and it's something that when you talk about, you know, hope being the last thing to die, I think that's a great phrase. Um, in In a positive way, it's sort of like you hold on to the hope that like, there is better for me. There is something that I can do to change this. I have more opportunity in front of me.

[00:31:33] Nikki La Croce: So as hard as it might be to release these things or move away from this life that I that is familiar, there is maybe like a sliver of discomfort in there by comparison to what all of the potential is on the other side of that all the hope that you have that it can be better. And so I would really implore people to you.

[00:31:51] Nikki La Croce: Think about, you know, are you staying where you are? Or did you maybe stay where you were? Because time invested or this perception of reality that you had? And what was it that really maybe acted as a catalyst to get you out of it? Or what is it that's maybe churning within you now? Making you think, I want something different.

[00:32:14] Nikki La Croce: I'm just afraid to have it or afraid to leave this situation to try to get it. And it's like, believe that there is hope that if it feels wrong now, it's not magically going to feel right.

[00:32:28] Leah Mazur: Right. And I think there's so much that I can go, go back and pull from this, this. conversation. The first thing I want to say too is be careful who you're comparing your relationship to.

[00:32:40] Leah Mazur: Because in a lot of relationships, the things you might be tolerating could be incredibly toxic, but for you, they're normal. This is the way my parents were, but this is how my best friend's relationship is. But these are the relationships that I grew up around. So, uh, To you, dealing with what you're dealing with might just feel run of the mill and oh, this is just how it is and how it goes, and so be really careful, yeah, where, where's your bar?

[00:33:07] Leah Mazur: Like, who are you comparing yourself to? And also when you're in a relationship, ask yourself if you're staying out of fear. That was a big thing with me, I had such this, this, this huge fear of being alone, that I kept staying in relationships. That weren't serving me because it was better to be with someone that was treating me poorly than to be alone and without anybody.

[00:33:36] Leah Mazur: So if you are, if you have this fear, what is it? You've got to really dig into that and figure that out. And then you have to face it. For me, that was it. I, I had to say to myself, okay, like I have this fear of being alone. That's obviously not working for me. Making decisions based on that fear just keeps giving me more divorces and I don't want another one.

[00:33:57] Leah Mazur: So I have to just face this. and figure out how to be alone and deal with it. Figure out how to, to be happy and fulfilled by myself and not feel like I need a relationship in order to be happy. And when I did that, that is what changed everything for me.

[00:34:17] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, I absolutely love that Leah. And it reminded me of a, uh, I think it was a YouTube short that I watched of yours where you were saying, that a relationship should be a value add to your life.

[00:34:28] Nikki La Croce: And I thought that that was a really important thing to hear and a profound statement that kind of seems obvious, but also isn't the way we think about it.

[00:34:37] Leah Mazur: Yeah. We'll think about how we grow up. Like, look at the movies, look at Disney movies and, and things like Jerry Maguire, you complete me, like we're taught that.

[00:34:48] Leah Mazur: That's, that's like our goal in life is to find our other half. Yeah. No, no, you are whole all by yourself. You you are the cake. A relationship is the icing. You don't need it, but it makes things a little sweeter.

[00:35:05] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And you know, it's interesting too, because one of the things that I said to my wife yesterday, because we were watching a show and.

[00:35:16] Nikki La Croce: Somebody made a comment, which I've had friends make this comment before, is that nobody's ever loved me as much as they do or the way that they do. And I was like, Oh, it's all about perspective though, isn't it? Okay, maybe that can absolutely be true. Maybe nobody's ever loved you like that before, but that doesn't mean that the way that they're loving you, if it is even love, is right.

[00:35:37] Nikki La Croce: I said, it's basically like, you know, looking at a piece of bread and thinking it's a feast because you're used to crumbs, right? It's just, it's not

[00:35:45] Leah Mazur: right. Where's the bar? Like, what are you comparing yourself? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:49] Nikki La Croce: I think that that's just really beautifully put. And, you know, one of the things that you, um, also have spoken a bit about in the content that you create is, around like red flags, things that we maybe actively ignore or see, but just sort of let slide.

[00:36:07] Nikki La Croce: What do you, I guess, kind of, what's your take on our, our ability to ignore red flags? Um, despite maybe what, what we're, um, actually feeling or how do you feel that, I guess, let me, let me try to phrase this better. Um, When it comes to really understanding what can lead to divorce, I think there are a lot of signs many times before marriage, um, that sort of signal that this is not the right relationship for us.

[00:36:40] Nikki La Croce: So where do you stand sort of in the conversation around like recognizing red flags before you, you get to a deeper commitment with somebody?

[00:36:50] Leah Mazur: Yeah, some of that comes from trial and error. And some of that I think just comes from learning from others as much as you can. And Really at the core, it's about self respect, knowing your worth.

[00:37:05] Leah Mazur: Because when you love yourself and you respect yourself and you feel fulfilled all by yourself, your standard or your standards will be higher. You'll have stronger, stronger deal breakers. You are not willing to tolerate certain things because you know that you don't need that person. You don't need them.

[00:37:26] Leah Mazur: They're extra. They're adding value. And I think that is the, the biggest thing that you can do for yourself to avoid falling for toxic relationships and red flags flying all over the place. Because if you don't have high standards. If you don't love yourself, if you don't respect yourself, you're true, you're teaching other people how to treat you.

[00:37:53] Leah Mazur: Yeah. Right. I want you're willing to tolerate. And so I think it's just really important for you to get very clear on what it is that you want and what it is that you need in a relationship. And then what are your deal breakers? What things will you just not tolerate? No matter how good looking they are, no matter how much money they have, no matter how great they seem.

[00:38:15] Leah Mazur: What things? would happen that would make you go, No, that's a deal breaker for me. This is just not what I'm and then go back to your happy, fulfilled, loving, respectful little life with yourself because you don't need

[00:38:29] Nikki La Croce: them. Yeah. Well, I love that you really teed up for me. The thing that I love to tell people the most since leaving the toxic relationship I was in and really like right at the precipice of meeting my now wife.

[00:38:41] Nikki La Croce: Um, and it was that I did not realize how I didn't love myself. Um, I think I thought that self love was like a very sort of like,

[00:38:55] Leah Mazur: yeah,

[00:38:55] Nikki La Croce: a little bit. Um, you know, I'm, I'm 38, so I feel like I, I've evolved drastically in the last several years. My, my perception on sort of the idea of self love, gratitude, mindfulness in general.

[00:39:07] Nikki La Croce: Um, and really let that enter my life with a lot of intention. But at the time when I was in therapy and I'm having these conversations because, you know, I'm dealing with the shame and, and how did I stay in this relationship that was so bad for so long? And why did I accept it? And it's like, because I didn't love myself.

[00:39:25] Nikki La Croce: And to extrapolate that, it was a matter of what was I looking for when I wanted to be with somebody? I wanted somebody to love me the way that I loved them. That's not a standard. That's not a standard. And so. I went through and I was like, I'm going to make a list of my wants, needs and deal breakers, literally.

[00:39:47] Nikki La Croce: So I did that. And I, at the time was talking to my now wife, Nicole, we were friends. And she's like, Oh, well, when you're done your list, show me. And I sent it to her. And she's like, I mean, it's long. And I was like, yes, it is long. Um, and the thing is, is when you've settled for basically less than nothing, um, you are going to be much more intentional.

[00:40:08] Nikki La Croce: And about what those things are. Now, do I wish I had maybe come to those realizations sooner so I knew what I deserved? Absolutely. But it was a really interesting exercise in how I really value myself and also the type of core values that I want somebody that I'm going to be with to have. Because that list was rooted in, okay, these are sort of the fundamental core values that I'm thinking about.

[00:40:31] Nikki La Croce: These are the things that I know I really need in a relationship emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever. Then these are the things that I, I want, like, I would like to have these things because maybe I didn't have them before or it's something that feels essential to me. And then there's the things that it's like, I'm going to be honest, the deal breaker list probably was initially just a list of things that really qualified my ex as a never again in your life.

[00:40:56] Nikki La Croce: Um,

[00:40:56] Both: again, trial and error. Yes. Sometimes that's where that that list comes. Yeah,

[00:41:00] Nikki La Croce: but it was, it was really, uh, I think, uh, an inspirational experience for myself to go through that, to see what I deserved. And, and to be able to recognize, like, I know not just what I want, but for me to be able to be like, these are deal breakers, it tells me that, like, you hit on the subject of boundaries, that so much of my last relationship was rooted in a lack of boundaries, and even when I tried to set them, I didn't uphold them, and so I, I feel like if there's something that I can emphasize to people, because you've heard it on other episodes, if you listen enough, is that Look at what your wants, needs, and deal breakers are.

[00:41:37] Nikki La Croce: Be really honest with yourself. And this can be if you're in a relationship right now, too. Like you are allowed to ask yourself those questions, even if you're married or even if you're in a long term relationship, especially if you are unhappy in that relationship, please, please do that. So you know where you're at and where you want to go.

[00:41:55] Leah Mazur: Yeah. And then when you're done with that list, tell yourself that you deserve it and tell yourself that it's possible. I think that is, that's huge because so many people put together this list. And then like, in your case, you said it was a pretty long list, but then if you looked at that list and go, this person doesn't exist.

[00:42:13] Leah Mazur: Oh, the times I hear that. I can't be this specific. You just got to settle. That's not going to happen. Right. Yeah. And so then you're right. If that's what you think, you're right. You are just closing off any possibility of that person coming into your life. And so I think you have to really be, you have to have that mindset of, I deserve this, and this is possible, and I'm not going to settle until I get it, really.

[00:42:37] Leah Mazur: And Be specific. It should be long. It should be really friggin long. I mean, this is someone that you're talking about potentially spending the rest of your life with. You should be so, I mean, I can't, like when I'm on Amazon trying to find a new cutting board, I'm going through the reviews. I'm going, I'm reading all the comments.

[00:42:58] Leah Mazur: I'm doing it right. If you're going to get down and dirty about like some stuff that you're putting in your Amazon cart, why wouldn't your list be pages long of what you're looking for in a potential life partner?

[00:43:11] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah. It's really interesting. The amount of scrutiny we have for things that are really stupid.

[00:43:17] Nikki La Croce: sort of irrelevant, ultimately. And then we're like, but this person's attractive, or there's something magnetic about them, possibly like your combined childhood wounds, just deciding they like each other. You know, there's so much that we just, the awareness of it

[00:43:30] Leah Mazur: overlook or we, we come up with excuses or we say, Oh, well they had a tough childhood and that's why they're like this.

[00:43:37] Leah Mazur: And right. We came up with all these things, but you just have to remember. Like when, especially after a bad relationship, if you want to make sure that you are not, you're not finding yourself in another terrible relationship, it's like you're not looking for a DIY project. You're not looking to fix somebody.

[00:43:54] Leah Mazur: You're not looking to help them, you know, heal things. You want, wherever you're at, that's what you're going to attract. So if you're somebody who's doing the work and you're trying to cultivate self awareness and you're healing your childhood traumas and you're trying to find yourself and raise your standards and set boundaries, that is the type of partner that you should be looking for.

[00:44:17] Leah Mazur: Someone who acknowledges things, takes responsibility for things, heals, gets support, is in therapy, does the journaling, does the med, why? Why are you the only one that's doing any of that work? You want somebody who's on that level with you so that you can continue to grow and evolve together without relying on each other for happiness, because that's going to be your individual responsibility.

[00:44:41] Nikki La Croce: Oh yeah, I, I could not agree with you more. I feel like that comment, particularly about having, um, being with somebody who is also you know, these things and you don't want to be the person who's begging somebody else to improve their lives. I've been there. It's, it's a complete waste of time realistically because nobody's ever going to do anything they don't want to do.

[00:45:05] Nikki La Croce: But also that it really detracts from your own ability to grow because I stayed really stuck. Ew, like my whole body just now was like, yeah, remember that? And, and it's like, because you're so desperately like clinging to what your idea of a relationship with this person is. that you're abandoning yourself in the process to try to make them what more of what you think they can be, that they're actively showing you that they're not, at least at not, not at this point.

[00:45:34] Nikki La Croce: So like, why has it become your responsibility to care more for that person than they care for themselves? Meanwhile, you're completely losing sight of what it is you need, who you are, and how you're going to move your life forward. And Yeah, I think when you're in a marriage, it can be a lot more difficult to acknowledge that because you're like, well, I've made this commitment to this person, whether it's time invested, money spent, maybe you have children.

[00:45:58] Nikki La Croce: Like those are factors that we, I believe from what I've experienced and witnessed is we allow those to sort of, um, dissolve some of the, maybe it's some of the concerns or justification that we would have for exiting a situation when in reality, it's like time invested is probably the thing that drives me the most insane.

[00:46:21] Nikki La Croce: And maybe it's because I was, I was, I, that was part of my problem as well. Um, but it's also like, okay, do you want to spend more time feeling this way? Cause if you're talking about time invested, you're actually just going to keep making that problem worse for yourself. If it's only ever about time invested.

[00:46:39] Leah Mazur: Right. And if you do have kids, what are you teaching them by staying? I think that's a huge one. There's so much guilt, like mom guilt that comes with, you know, a lot of my clients is they, they feel like they have to stay in the marriage because that's what's best for the kids. But really ask yourself if your kids were in this situation that you're in now, what would you want them to do?

[00:47:01] Nikki La Croce: 99.

[00:47:01] Leah Mazur: 9 percent of the time, it's not, well, suck it up and deal with it and stay because you made a promise. That's not how you would feel for your own children. You'd be like, no, get out. I come on my couch, come, come sleep in my guest room. And so I think it's releasing that guilt and forgiving yourself. And again, that, that self reflection of just go back.

[00:47:22] Leah Mazur: Where were you when you started that relationship? Were you guys like teenagers, right? Like how much life did you live? What kinds of questions were you asking yourself when you were looking for an ideal partner? 25 years ago, right? Probably not the important ones.

[00:47:39] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a really, really good point, Leah, because I wasn't asking those questions.

[00:47:45] Leah Mazur: No, you're like, I'm attracted to them. They're fun. Yeah. Like, right. Like basic, basic stuff, not the stuff that ends up being huge problems in a relationship later on.

[00:47:55] Nikki La Croce: Yeah. Well, and I like that you pointed out, especially for people who have children in a relationship and that that can be particularly challenging.

[00:48:02] Nikki La Croce: Um, because A couple of my friends who have left really abusive relationships have said the fact that they had children was sort of the, like, tipping point because they didn't want to stay in that environment with their children. Now that said, I don't have kids. So, um, I believe, you have a daughter, am I correct?

[00:48:20] Leah Mazur: I do. Yeah.

[00:48:21] Nikki La Croce: Um, so we're, um, what was it like for you? Do you feel like that was part of your experience as well, that you felt like you were staying at some point because of your, your daughter and how did you ultimately sort of navigate that yourself? Were you asking yourself that question that you, um, you know, advise people to ask themselves?

[00:48:38] Leah Mazur: Totally. If I'm being honest, I didn't feel that way really in the first divorce. I was pretty sure about everything and I just knew what needed to happen. It was the second divorce where I felt like. What is wrong with me? I'm ruining my daughter's life. I'm dragging her through all these bad decisions I'm making.

[00:48:57] Leah Mazur: Like maybe I should just stay and just deal with it. Like what's better for her? And I really went through it. And I think at the end of the day, I just knew that she was not getting the best of me in that relationship. And one of the things that I'm most grateful for in my divorce, in both of them, is that now she gets That's an amazing version of a mom.

[00:49:24] Leah Mazur: A healthy, happy, self aware, takes responsibility for her own crap, like always trying to learn and better herself. That is who she gets now as a mom. Not somebody who's got no self esteem and stays and does things out of fear and has, and it stays in a relationship with someone that's just constant arguing and disagreements and sin.

[00:49:49] Leah Mazur: I didn't want that to be the example that I was setting. Yeah. I needed to lead from the front and do what I knew I would want her to do if she was in my shoes.

[00:49:58] Nikki La Croce: Mm-Hmm. , uh, you put that so eloquently in terms of leading from the front. You've gotten so many good nuggets of wisdom here, Leah. I. I'm curious, from your perspective, do you feel like people who have children, um, and they're navigating the divorce and they're in maybe your support groups or you're working with them, do you find that they are more or less apt potentially to seek, um, you know, support from people in, in their family or their friend groups?

[00:50:25] Nikki La Croce: Because I think sometimes there's like, for me, there was definitely an element of shame that kept me from sharing a lot about my relationship. Um, But it was very much like it was all happening to me in this very contained environment. Whereas I think when there's a child involved, you've now extended the, the impact radius.

[00:50:42] Leah Mazur: Yeah, I think everyone wants support, but unfortunately everyone does not have family or friends that are willing to give it.

[00:50:55] Nikki La Croce: Mm-Hmm. fair.

[00:50:56] Leah Mazur: And so there are people who are in search of it also because they're not getting it. I mean, I have, I have clients whose parents. Basically disown them because, uh, for religious reasons, now they're getting a divorce.

[00:51:07] Leah Mazur: Well, that then you're, you're out, you know, this, you're going against everything we believe in kind of thing. And, um, I think it's hard. Some people are like, you know, in my case, my parents were gone and I didn't have any siblings and, you know, I just didn't have it. So I think everybody. wants it and wishes they had it.

[00:51:26] Leah Mazur: And, and some people do take the initiative to then go out and get it. And, and then some people are just, unfortunately not, they don't have that kind of support at home or even going back to kind of what I touched on earlier is sometimes you even have people in your life who, you know, Want the best for you and have the best intentions and want to support you, but they just don't get it They're they've never gone through anything like that.

[00:51:50] Leah Mazur: And so they really can't understand and sometimes their advice Isn't the best. It's just not the most practical Necessarily, you know, I have people who have best friends and family who are like, all right Like we're getting you back on those dating apps. We got to get you back on that horse and let's go Let's get you back out there And it's with good intentions, right?

[00:52:11] Leah Mazur: They just want to see best person happy, but you have to really be honest with yourself and go like, whoa, that's not what I'm, I'm not ready. And I can take however much time I need. And that is not my, the, the missing piece to my puzzle kind of thing. I need to figure out how to put all my pieces together so that my puzzle is complete.

[00:52:33] Leah Mazur: And then if I want to go get a relationship after that, I can. So, I think that's another reason why it is important to get support from the right people in addition to whatever support you're getting. It's great. Any, any love and support is great. I want to specify, but it is also important that you're getting guidance that will best serve

[00:52:53] Nikki La Croce: you.

[00:52:53] Nikki La Croce: Right. Yeah. There's definitely a relevance factor there. Um, it's hard for somebody who's not going through those situations or hasn't navigated it even in any capacity, let alone like if they've navigated divorce, maybe it's very different. Um, So I love that you emphasize that. And as an adult, it's very just difficult in general to find friends.

[00:53:12] Nikki La Croce: I think for a lot of people, I've been very lucky that I have this podcast and I've been in work environments where I'm surrounded by people that like, you know, I happen to click with in ways that are meaningful. And, you know, you meet people where they're at, like you said, is do you see people in your support groups, um, forming deeper bonds, not just because of this circumstance that has brought them together, but because they're also, you know, I think, especially when you're leaving a situation and you're wanting that support, but like sustaining those relationships and building these, um, sort of broader support systems outside of what you're cultivating.

[00:53:44] Leah Mazur: I think so. I don't really do a lot of follow up on that and ask if, ask that question of anyone, but I do see like in common sections and things, people connecting and even people. who find each other who live locally. I love that. People might post, Hey, here's where, here's where I'm at. Is anyone around here?

[00:54:02] Leah Mazur: I'd love to meet up for a coffee kind of thing. And so I do see that that happens and people connect. Um, but I, I wouldn't be able to, to tell you how, how long that relationship lasts or anything like that, but. You know, what's funny is like, I, a couple of years ago on TikTok, um, another divorce coach, she specializes in like parenting plans and high conflict divorce.

[00:54:24] Leah Mazur: Her name is Samantha Voss. She's amazing. She had seen some videos of mine and was like, this girl just seems cool. Like, I just, I want to, I'm going to slide into her DMs kind of thing. And she did. And then we hopped on a Zoom and we were chatting and we ended up becoming really, really good friends. And then also now business partners.

[00:54:43] Leah Mazur: Oh, I love that. Together on a few other projects. And so I think that that just goes to show sometimes you have to just kind of push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you are in groups, support groups, or you're in situations where You do come across someone that you're like, Hey, I'm like this person.

[00:55:01] Leah Mazur: Or, you know, I think we can, we connect or we're on the same wavelength. Reach out, like, don't be afraid to reach out, ask them, send them a DM, whatever you want to do. And you never know what kind of relationship can, can grow. I mean, you can meet people in the grocery store. You can meet, I mean, random places that you would never think.

[00:55:20] Leah Mazur: Um, but sometimes it does take you to kind of. Step outside of your comfort zone and just reach out and make that first step and then see what happens So don't be afraid to do that.

[00:55:30] Nikki La Croce: Absolutely advice that I would give. It's something that I really value even just you know Like you said it can kind of happen anywhere I mean, I think the dog park happens to be a great place to interact with people if you've got one, you know and And I, I get that it can be really hard to be vulnerable with people after you've been in a situation where you're questioning your self esteem, you're questioning your, your self worth and just sort of overall who you are.

[00:55:55] Nikki La Croce: But what I will really reiterate is. When you show up as who you are with the confidence that you have to be that person, then the right people are going to magnetize towards you. And you're going to recognize really quickly the people who aren't your people. Like it's a,

[00:56:13] Leah Mazur: I

[00:56:13] Nikki La Croce: found that My judgment of character has improved so drastically because I just sort of allow things.

[00:56:22] Nikki La Croce: I identify sort of implicitly, does this feel right to me? And if it feels right, then I can keep going with it. And if it feels off, maybe I'm skeptical and still, you know, sort of sussing it out, but. It is really important to trust that you know what's best for you, and as you're going through the healing journey, I feel like you do get a lot more clarity, it just might not happen right away, and I think that can be a little, um, disarming for people at first, because you're scared, you don't want to get hurt again, whether that's by a relationship or a friendship of some kind, so, 100 percent Leah, like, Put yourself out there when you're ready and in the ways that feel right to you.

[00:57:03] Nikki La Croce: And be honest about what feels good and what doesn't and, you know, follow the things that feel right.

[00:57:08] Leah Mazur: Yeah. And, and that you can meet people through finding yourself when you're doing things like. Like you said, I've met many people on this podcast, right? So what do you like to do? What lights you up? What are you interested in?

[00:57:24] Leah Mazur: What are you naturally good at? What energizes you? Just do more of that for yourself. Whether that's, I'm going to join this hiking group, or I'm going to pick up photography, or I'm going to join this dance class. Whatever it is that you're being called to do, that's it. That's uniquely you. Everybody doesn't have those same desires, right?

[00:57:41] Leah Mazur: So lean into that. And the more you do things that make you happy and bring you fulfillment and get you excited, then you're opening up more opportunities to meet like minded people.

[00:57:53] Nikki La Croce: I think that it's important also to identify the things that are sort of interests that are more external interests, things that you like to do, like you pointed out, right?

[00:58:05] Nikki La Croce: But you rounded that out with like minded people, because like minded, like hearted people who are, from the beginning, you've been saying, right, doing the work, they're meeting you where you're at. You don't have to always be exactly, you know, level with each other, because I think we help lift each other up and sort of cultivate that growth together.

[00:58:22] Nikki La Croce: But be really mindful of like, is this really, uh, a connective, strong relationship, whether that's a friendship, again, or romantic relationship that you're building, or is it just sort of like somebody that you hang with out of convenience because you have this thing in common? Like, Right.

[00:58:38] Leah Mazur: Or, Oh, I've known this person my whole life.

[00:58:40] Leah Mazur: So now I feel obligated to maintain this relationship. Yes.

[00:58:44] Nikki La Croce: So it's like, be honest with yourself about whether those relationships are really giving you what you want and need. And it's okay if they're not. And it is okay to, I think, have sort of these relationships that maybe They're lifelong and you see people when you see them and it's good to catch up and that's fine, but prioritize your time in the way that gives you the best, you know, sort of alignment with who you are and where you want to be going and where you want to go is going to change.

[00:59:10] Nikki La Croce: So feel free to adjust as needed.

[00:59:13] Leah Mazur: Yeah, and that's okay, too. Yeah.

[00:59:15] Nikki La Croce: Well, um, as we're kind of rounding out the episode here, um, I'd love Leah, if you could share maybe just a little bit about sort of where your business is now and kind of what you're potentially, if you've got a clear vision of where you're hoping to go with it, um, what does that look like for you in terms of building out Mindfully Ready?

[00:59:33] Leah Mazur: Yeah, so, uh, just as many resources as possible. I, I have. Private coaching and group coaching. And I have a free private support group and digital resources. And, uh, one of my favorite things is actually the project I'm working on with Samantha is, um, it's called The Next Chapter, which it's a, it's a monthly membership where you get access to a private support group, you connect with women, and every week we roll out a new workshop.

[00:59:59] Leah Mazur: on all different types of subjects that touch your life. Whether that's boundary setting, healing after narcissist abuse, or co parenting and parenting plans, all of the things that everyone is kind of struggling with at that point in their life, we give you all the resources and tools that you need. So that's one of my, that's one of my favorite little things that we're doing right now.

[01:00:19] Nikki La Croce: Yeah, that's awesome. And I actually did want to ask something because I, you, you've specified, um, your women's support group. And I remember when we first spoke that you had mentioned, um, part of the intention of sort of separating by gender was because you wanted to, as best you could make sure that you didn't have people sort of crossing over into each other's support groups if they're, um, going from that relationship.

[01:00:40] Nikki La Croce: Um, as somebody who's a same sex relationship, I imagine that. There's probably a loophole in there, but, um, given what I understand about the way my own relationship ended, one of the people would be going to that and somebody else would not.

[01:00:51] Leah Mazur: Somebody would want support and somebody would already be in a new relationship.

[01:00:53] Leah Mazur: Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I mean, it is always important that you're, you're looking at the members and it is, you know, your responsibility to make sure that you're, you're not crossing any, any lines there. And, um, but what I also love is that in that group, there's options to post anonymously so that if you, if that, if you feel more comfortable.

[01:01:12] Leah Mazur: Asking a question or making a post, you can do it anonymously so that your, you know, your picture and your name isn't there too.

[01:01:17] Nikki La Croce: Awesome. I love that. Yeah. I, you know, Leah, I just appreciate everything that you're doing. I love your energy, your attitude about it. And just the, you've used the term resources.

[01:01:27] Nikki La Croce: And I think that that's really so instrumental in helping people figure things out is just making sure that you know where to go and how to leverage the things that are there. And I, as I said at the beginning, you know, I'm, Very grateful that we're having this conversation right now. Um, I think that it will help me have some important conversations with people that I care about deeply in my life, um, with more intention.

[01:01:48] Nikki La Croce: And, and I also really just, appreciate the way that you've been so vulnerable with your own story and sharing how you've navigated your path, um, as a way to help other people recognize, like, the way that they can find their happiest and, and truest selves. It's so meaningful. It speaks to me on a deeply personal level, but also I just, I understand the ripple effect that that has.

[01:02:13] Nikki La Croce: And, um, just many thanks to you for doing that.

[01:02:16] Leah Mazur: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. I love that you do this and that you have a platform for people to come on and have these important conversations. So thank you for doing what you do.

[01:02:26] Nikki La Croce: Gang, thanks so much for joining me for this week's episode. I just appreciate your support and it means so much to me that you tune in week after week.

[01:02:34] Nikki La Croce: The best thing that you can do to help spread the word about the podcast is if this episode resonated with you, go ahead and share it with somebody else wherever you listen to your podcasts, or you can go ahead and subscribe to my YouTube channel and share it from there. I also really appreciate it if you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts because that really helps give people a better understanding of what the show's about and what you appreciate about the conversations that we're having.

[01:02:56] Nikki La Croce: And until then, I'll catch you on the flip side.